I can't even describe what I'm asking

[Anassiam]

Please can anyone identify with my f@cked up way of living and did you find a way to change.
For as long as I remember it's like there's 2 parts to my brain. The part that knows "the right thing to do or say". When I look back I see that it was the right way. Then there's the other part. It basically says "don't bother, no need, ugh no way don't do that" and absolutely does not result in a good outcome and always wins. So i end up screwing myself over eg late with everything, stuff just not done etc. Every day is a constant argument between the two sides.
I wondered if it was a bi polar trait but doctor said no and at the age of 50 I have been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism. So is it that the ADHD / Autism traits fighting each other. Or is it just the way I am. Its just causing me such angst in my head every minute of every day. Is there anyone else feels like this. Is there any way to at least quite it. It's exhausting.
Thanks for getting this far.

Demand avoidance can also be viewed as an extreme need for autonomy. It means that anything that is viewed as an infringement of your right to autonomy leads to a complete refusal to participate. So if something is expected of you, or demanded of you you won't do it even to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing.

I've been thinking of all of you since posting. Thank you for sharing.
The concept of internal family systems has really really struck a chord. So glad I shared and got to hear this. This explains what goes on in my head perfectly and also explains why conventional therapies have never worked for me. Here's a random link to explain the concept in case anyone is interested https://integrativepsych.co/modalities/internal-family-systems-new-york

@Rainbows89 thanks for suggesting IFS, mumsnet at its best when you learn something new