Differences in treating a child VS a partner

[OneLemonOrca]

If a parent is at the end of their tether they will shout or scream at their child, threaten them, say things they “don’t mean”, name call and possibly even slap or hit them, I’m sure there are other examples I could mention. When they come to mumsnet about it sorry about what they’re said or done or how they’ve reacted, because they were stressed and their child was misbehaving or because of work or they’re not sleeping or whatever else, they are met with sympathy and forgiveness because they are trying their best. If a partner is at the end of their tether, no matter what they are going through and they do any of that towards their partner, however occasional, or how sorry they are, they are made out to be an abuser who doesn’t mean their apology and their partner needs to get away from them, with no forgiveness and never looking back. Can someone explain to me what the difference is?

I agree with you up until you suggest the partner abuse is okay rather than the parent child type isn’t. Perhaps I’ve misunderstood.

I don’t believe it is ok it’s just how others make it out

Bump

It's because in the parent scenario the OP is the parent expressing how sorry they are.

In the partner scenario the OP is the wronged party, not the one explaining how sorry they are.

People are sympathetic to the OP's position (generally).

It's also because children are uniquely trying. I don't think I've ever seen someone come on and say they've hit their child and everyone said it's fine though.

We all know that a whining and poorly toddler can grizzle for 36 hours straight because that is their only way of communicating, but can drive sleep-deprived parents to distraction, sometimes with unfortunate or tragic results.

A partner, an adult, has no issue communicating and is not reliant on the other person for anything, so the two situations are not comparable. If an adult is unhappy, they can resolve their own issues or leave, removing themselves from the situation.

I agree neither are acceptable

However in both cases people are typically sympathetic to the op because we are getting only the op's perspective and an insight into their experience.

If a child (say a teen) came on saying their parent had sworn at them and cracked them round the head. Everyone would be supporting the child to get help.

The more relevant question is why do you think they’re comparable?

Usually stresses that might cause a parent to react like that are caused by them having to parent as a verb. I’d assume a parent coming on asking for support would have been dealing with an issue to start with, not just randomly losing their shit at nothing.

You're not parenting another adult and if their behaviour is that stressful to be around, you can leave.