WWYD - MIL

[2fatcats]

I‘m asking for ideas how to avoid MIL in a friendly way or try to make her reconsider her (weekend) priorities a little..

I don‘t want to cause family drama or estrange my DH or DC from their grandmother but i also don‘t want to always be the one who has to deal with her.

She is hellbent on visiting on wednesdays. She has other activities like sports or pottery classes planned for other weekdays and meets her friends on weekends.
DH works till 6pm at an office and i‘m on maternity leave.
She likes to complain and really go into detail about her health issues and repeat and i’d be fine putting up with it if she wasn’t additionally disrespectful and mean towards me.
I can‘t leave her alone with DCs (0&3) as she won’t change diapers and she doesn’t want to take DC1 out but she‘ll still play with him for a bit when i eventually excuse myself because the baby needs to sleep, so it’s nice enough for DC1 to get some grandma time instead of shared(with baby) mum time.

DH has tried to get her to visit on weekends but she came once in 6 months because of timing issues.

I have also made up that i‘m meeting a friend next wednesday, but she‘ll come a week later.
I know it sounds mean but she winds me up every time i see her.

Ideas PLEASE!

Can you book on to a weekly baby/toddler class every Wednesday?

Why don’t you invent (or even actually join) a toddler class on a Wed? Something that means you’re busy every week. Or just consistently be busy until she gets the hint. It would drive me mad too, mat leave flies by so quickly, you don’t want to dread something every week. Good luck!

Just say no, you've started going to a new group meeting on Wednesdays so it doesn't work for you going forward but how about x date, meet somewhere she'll feel unable to bang on about her health issues to you. Only do what suits you and make dh pull his weight.

Yes, if you join a Wednesday stay and play she can always come along too if you can cope with that?
See my post 'aibu for reducing contact with ex mil' for similar issue and good advice

i found one and it was moved to tuesday (still glad i joined!)

Ps doesn't she want to see her son?

Thanks, i‘ll try and find your thread.
We live a bit rural and i can‘t find any playgroups for 3 year olds apart from one that was moved to tuesday where i‘m not supposed to bring the baby though..

DH has been used as her therapist while growing up and rudely interrupts her because he‘s sick of hearing it too. Makes me cringe how rude he can be She waits until he gets home but he then looks after DC1 to get him ready for bedtime and she leaves..

Can't you just say you'll be out/ignore the door if she knocks?

She doesn’t just come over unannounced luckily. She would prefer visiting every other week on a wednesday and if i say that i already have plans she asks for the next available wednesday..