I feel very guilty that I’m not happier and I feel as though all I’m doing at the moment is focusing on negatives day to day. I have become restless in my job (which I previously loved) and decided a couple of friendships aren’t overly worth the effort anymore. I have a genuine ‘cba’ feeling about most things and would rather stay home and read or clean or research things ready for baby’s arrival.
I am also crying a lot - earlier I saw the motorway in the other direction was standstill traffic and this set me off as I felt horrible for being sad when I should be happy, because those people might’ve been in traffic because of an incident further up the road so I really should be counting my blessings. That sounds mad even to type it out 😂
I am focused about handwashing and making sure things are ‘clean’ enough, I have always been a bit like this but it’s definitely flaring and becoming more of a problem than it ever used to be for me.
Much-loved, planned baby conceived after previous loss. I have supportive family who live nearby and of course my wonderful DH, who is loving and does pretty much all the housework. I don’t really have to lift a finger.
So yeah, I don’t know if the way I’m feeling is common in pregnancy and just attributed to hormones or if it could be perinatal anxiety/depression. Other than possible OCD at times I don’t particularly have a history of either nor does it run in the family. I’m in the second trimester if that makes any difference and all looks well so far with baby, low risk pregnancy. I just wish I could stop worrying about every little thing. It mainly centres around wanting so desperately for our little rainbow to be well and make it here safely.
I understand how crucial it is that I am well (for both my sake and baby’s) so will be up to doing anything I can. I have hinted to healthcare professionals that I’m more anxious than usual but that’s sort of as far as I got. I also know waiting lists are so long and don’t want to waste anyone’s time or label myself as having a condition if it is relatively normal and will pass?
Thank you if you read this far.