What do you wish you'd spoken to DD about before secondary?

[PeterJohnson]

DD has just received the info for secondary, the class chat has already been set up...

What problems did you encounter in Yr7? Is there anything you wish you'd chatted about before it happened?

She's moving from a sheltered 20 children per year primary where everyone knows everyone too well to a 9 class per year secondary. I've started to let her go alone to after school activities.

DD had £10 in her keypurse.

Schools are now cashless. But I have an automated top-up on her virtual purse for food payemnte so I don't have to worry that she runs out of money because I forgot to top up.

The whole class chat groups are a nightmare. You can see from the notifications that some kids have access to their phones all night. They have literally 100s of notifications a day and get unplesant comments for leaving stuff unanswered. My son left his once he had established his group of 4 or 5 friends.

re @PuttingDownRoots .
Our method for not forgetting pencil case, was to have a school one and a home one. So the school one always stayed in the schoolbag, and home one was used for homework.

We've made sure the kids know how to take screenshots (in the event of any group chat nonsense) and to let adults know. It's worked so far in that both have shown me things they've felt uncomfortable about.

Actually DD1's done OK through year 7 so far - she seems to have got in with a group of kids who seem to have their heads relatively well screwed on and all they do is share umpteen photos analysing Taylor Swift's latest bodysuit for hours on end most of the time. More worried now DD2 is starting as she has ASD and is very young for her age.

I work away. I’ve done this with toothbrushes. 😂

She has home stationery too. Its usually when repacking her bag she manages to mislay it!
Actually she has two school pencil cases. An every lesson one and an occasional one. The equipment list is loooonnnggg.

If you know anyone with older siblings... check to see what they actually need. I don't think the shin pads I got DD1 have left their original packaging yet!

@PineappleBanana
I also work away - I have a complete replica of my toiletries & make up! It's so much easier when I pack knowing it's all ready and I just need to think of clothes. I even have an older set of GHDs that live in my 'away' bag.

The friends you make on the first few days don't have to be your friends for the next five years. Its OK if you decide they aren't your tribe.

I don't mean alienating one person... but if you decide this group isn't nice, or you would prefer the booky group to the sporty group... its OK. You can make new friends.

DD was a lit happier when she had the courage to walk away. Her friends group is lovely now.

Same here, with mouth guards for PE. Two sets of those - completely unused…

Yup. I have a case I literally just have to add clothes to every Sunday night. Couldn’t cope with forgetting stuff every week!

I worked in a secondary so covered most things before she started.

It is important that anything you want her to hear about from you gets told now, that's any topic where misinformation is dangerous or will cause upset. That's everything from Santa and the tooth fairy, sex and consent, to what porn is and why it shouldnt be watched, what's vapes are and their dangers etc. Have a very open relationship where she feels she can ask you anything.

Tell her to get involved in as many after school/lunch clubs as possible that way she'll know more people so that when classes switch around she'll always know someone even if they aren't best friends - it's really important in year 7.

Don't tattle tale minor things, yes if something is dangerous or harming you or someone else tell an adult but someone irritating you needs to be ignored, someone taking the last glue stick so you have to wait etc doesnot need to be told to a teacher.

Keep on top of WhatsApp, it's great and awful at the same time.

Set up a specific time of day to catch up with no devices or distractions for either of you, we do the first 30 mins when she walks in, I WFH so take a break and make us both a drink and cheese and crackers and sit and talk about her day, what she learnt - she'll try and teach me, drama with friends, any homework she has, she asks me about my day in return. It's a great habit and beneficial to both of us. I then leave her alone to do what she needs to do until dinner time.

Also a doing one, make your house teen friendly so she will invite her friends around and you can get to know them.

I'd add that anything she finds worrying in a group chat/on social media/whatever, she can come to you and will never be told off that the chat is talking about something inappropriate-her coming to you to say I need help with a situation is a punishment free zone. This hopefully extends to later teenage years when it might be mum, help, my friend's had too much to drink-and keeps them safe.

This thread is actually so helpful. So many things I would not have thought of, thank you all!

Car chats can help them open up. Something about being side by side rather than face to face really helps.

and if Brian does get his winky out, that’s not okay. :)

This is how I chatted with DD about the S E X education workshop in Y9. It was hillarious.

Oh another useful thing to do is to get in the habit of texting eachother when you change venues as it's good practise so if you or her are going to be somewhere unexpected you both know. Making it a habit for the family stops it being intrusive or a punishment.

We have a WhatsApp chat dedicated just to that with no other chat. I might put "paddle boarding at X should be finished at Y time, then message "finished". DD will put "going to Sarah's" then might put "gone to X park" or "gone to beach" or will just share the W3W to the group. I'll do this if away from home on a work trip etc or any other non routine galavanting.

😁 very true, although Brian is my dog so not in the least bit as predatory as men 😁

My only big rule (and I teach at the school my kids go to) is absolutely no group chats!

No phone use until we had the (embarrassing!) porn conversation.

be friendly to everyone but don’t rush into ‘friendships’.

dont worry about getting lost, it really doesn’t happen often.

Keep your head down!

Homework folder kept permanently in bag. As soon as you do homework out it in your folder.

my kids keep all their books in their bags all the time!! Heavy but they never forget anything 🤣

I'm suggesting that if your friend has period pains you could give them a paracetamol rather than making them jump through the hoops that school will make them jump through to get one.

Oh no, no, no, do not ever hand out paracetamol or anything else. The other kid may be allergic and sharing tablets is simply isn't something to encourage or normalise at that age (or any). This reminds me to tell my kids to never accept 'medicine' in any form from others not even friends. Because, you never know.

Also tell your dd to never leave her drink unattended.

Probably to get out of any class chats!
Definitely mute it.

If they’re given a paper timetable, take a photo of it - them and you.
Any public transport they will need, make sure you have any apps or timetables sorted on their phone.
Absolutely avoid any big group chats. Those things are nasty.
Purple pens for marking their own work. This may be unique to my dc but it wasn’t in any of the official paperwork, and I got it in the neck at the end of week 1. Because obviously I should have known.

No they shouldn't be sharing medication. I mean DD suffered terrible period pains and the amount of time and fuss to get painkillers from school was ridiculous. So I would send her in with enough just for her for the day, but I would always remind her that she shouldn't give them to anybody else. I mean not everyone can take over the counter painkillers so you have to be careful.