So angry at DCs father

[SingleMummyHere1]

Backstory - ex and I were together for around 10 years. I fell pregnant however things weren't going great and he decided, after many arguments, that he'd had enough and walked out. I didn't get any support during my pregnancy bar him coming to two scans and the birth as he was busy living his life and 'moving on' - trawling dating sites and trying to find a new girlfriend. I cant really remember a lot of my pregnancy as i spent most of it heartbroken.

He also stayed at mine for the first couple of months of our sons life to "help out", although he was going back to his own place 3/4 nights a week, I'm assuming something to do with the texts he kept getting off some woman that I'd spotted the notifications for, I'm assuming a new partner.

Fast forward 2 years, he had a baby around Christmas time with this woman (our son was only around 20 months at the time) and they're living together, happy as Larry, while here's me, currently ill, constant D&V, muscle aches, headache, just awful. He won't take dc as he's jetting off on holiday this morning with the new baby and partner and so I'm left with no support whatsoever. He said that he would take our son with him on holiday, for two weeks, however my son has an important medical appointment that we have waited months for, which we would have to miss if he went away.

I don't want to ask anyone to help as I don't want to pass this on to anyone, so I'm just going to have to suck it up. Although I could if there was an absolute emergency.

Yes, ex does have dc every other weekend usually, wants more but we live rurally and he's moved to the city, so it would be tough organising the logistics of getting dc to nursery, clubs etc. He also pays maintenence so it isn't all bad.

But how do these men get to just waltz off and start a new life straight away?? Monkeybranching from woman to woman. What woman wants to start a relationship with a man who has a baby who is months old?? And then get pregnant to him just before our own baby has celebrates his first birthday??

I guess I'm just having a rant here and it's probably exacerbated by how ill I'm feeling, but I'm just so angry!

i wouldn’t be in my ex’s shoes for all the tea in china

he has more freedom, more money, less stress

BUT

I have the children for 80% of the time. And i wouldn’t swap that for a damn thing

and of course he couldn’t cancel his holiday op

I'm.sorry I'm.confised you say he won't take your son er because he's going on holiday ,but he offered to take your son on holiday with him?
You could have rearranged the appointment?
You cant expect him to cancel the holiday ,he was going to rake your child òn because now your ill

And he actually wants more access but you don't want him to have it because of the logistics ?
You can't have it all your own way
I appreciate he left you but he didn't leave his child.

Sorry, poor wording on my part. I'll try and edit it so it makes more sense. What i meant was - I've been ill for a couple of days and he wouldn't take DC overnight last night and return him this morning as he's going on holiday and it would've been too much of a rush, as he says. However it would've given me one night of being able to try and sleep it off in between throwing up and being on the toilet etc. DC has been going through a spell for a couple of months of wakening during the night.

He offered to take him on holiday for the 2 weeks however I couldn't have cancelled the appointment, we've been on the waiting list since last July for this appt, he can't wait another 10 months for a new appt if the timescale for this current one is anything to go by.

And I've cancelled a weekend trip away due to my son being ill. He can't cancel his of course though.

It was mainly just rant though.

It's not that I don't want him to have it for the logistics, it would mean my son doing 1.5 hour round trips to get to nursery of a morning. It's not feasible.

He kind of did leave his child as well as me. He left me while pregnant, I had SPD and struggled to work, even move around, I had to though as I was on my own and he was more interested in getting his leg over with new women than helping. He also left us when our son was a couple of months old and fucked off back to his 1.5 hours away, me with quite severe PND, I felt guilty every day at not giving my son the attention I should've been giving him, not taking him out enough, basically not giving him the attention and stimulation I should've been because I was in a fog of PND and dealing with the relationship breakdown. Whereas he just immediately started a new family.

As I said, it's more of a rant and me feeling sorry for myself as I lie here unwell while he's off to bloody Turkey for his family holiday.

Oh he's not suffering though, he's got his new baby 100% of the time as well as his new little set up. And the holiday thing, I mean I cancelled my weekend trip away when he told me last minute that he couldn't take our son because he had something on that weekend, I'm assuming to do with his new baby.

well yes Op

he may not be suffering

but my point is I would be differing if i had my child once a fortnight. Hence not wanting to swap leith my ex despite him having extra free time and money 🤷

Oh I agree, I would be suffering if had had my child EOW as well. But this is the kind of man who was happy from when DC was days old, to spend 4 nights a week at his and 3 nights with us. I would've wanted to have been with my baby 24/7 in first few days of his life. So I doubt he cares.

I barely even think about this 'man' anymore, I think lying here festering in bed, trying to recover while a toddler uses me as a climbing frame is making me quite bitter 😂 😭