How to split the bills fairly

[Hayleyg4]

My partner has recently moved in with me and last night I brought up how much he is going to contribute to the bills. They come to around £2500 a month and he earns around double what I do and also has a side job that can earn a lot of money. I said that i think it’s fair if we split it based on our income so he will pay more than me based on a percentage of what we earn (not including his side job so he’d have all of that himself meaning he would still have a lot more after the bills are paid than me). He’s then turned around to me and said that he’s effectively being punished for earning more. We have a daughter together and both have children from previous relationships so I’ve always worked part time to be there for the kids, do the school run, cook dinner, do homework etc. I work for a massive corporate company and could get a much better paid job but this would obviously mean working much longer hours. All of my income goes to the bills and the kids, when we weren’t living together he was paying me £135 a week and he seems to think that this should carry on and that if anyone needs anything he’ll pay for it (our car broke last week and he paid for the repairs).

You know this is ridiculous! The fact you've had a child with him and allowed him to move in and are only just having this discussion now is a huge part of the problem. You have allowed yourself to be taken advantage of up to this point so he has obviously assumed this will continue to be the case. You need to tackle this head on and hold him accountable for at either half of all outgoings and childcare OR a greater proportion of outgoings if you are doing the majority of the childcare.

@Bumpitybumper we have lived together previously and he put his wages into the joint account but we argued alot about this because he was earning more and said I would spend all of his money (this isn’t true, he would transfer out what he needed and the rest went on the bills and family things). Before he moved back in I said that we would need to change how we deal with finances and suggested the percentage route. He seemed fine with it then but now it’s come to this and he’s telling me he’s being punished for earning more than me

Who owns the house?

Because, if it’s you, he shouldn’t be contributing towards your mortgage at all.

That said, the set-up sounds quite bizarre. Is this a long-term plan?

@Chaney we rent

as for it being a long term plan, I don’t know what’s going to happen after our conversation last night

If you live together and have a child together you should be sharing. He sounds like he wants to keep what he earns for himself making you pay every penny you earn on the family. Put DC into nursery or get childminder to collect from school and go back full time making him do half the nursery/ school drop offs and housework. He's treating you like a skivvy and you have allowed him to do this. Put your foot down and take back control.

As it's rented, I agree with you, based on % of income. Otherwise it's not a partnership. If he earns so much more, he should still have more disposable income left than you after a % split. So not punished for earning more, providing for his family on a fair and reasonable basis, that's what family members should do.

It’s awkward as you have kids that aren’t his . He should pay a portion for himself and his own kids yes - but not your kids

I'd be highly cautious that you are sacrificing your income potential when you're not married. You have no protection or guarantee of compensation if you split, whereas if you're married, you'd be entitled to half of joint assets including his pension. Joint bills should be split based on % take home pay. And it baffles me you didn't sort this before moving in, or whilst you were pregnant.

Just realised I replied to another of your posts earlier this year (under a different username).

What are you doing? You shouldn’t have this man in your children’s home.

@caringcarer that’s exactly how I feel and I don’t mind doing everything and spending all my money on the family as long as it’s fair. I did say to him a while back (when we weren’t living together) that he would need to start helping with the school run so I can work more but he wouldn’t do that as it would mean he wouldn’t be able to go to work and lose a days pay (he’s self employed).

@LaWench this is exactly what I think

@Fidgety31 im not sure how that would work although I understand what you mean. Would everything be split 5 ways then he pays a portion for 2 and I pay for 3? Or he pays 1.5 and I pay 3.5? It is complicated and even more so because my older childrens dad doesn’t see or pay for them.

@Peonies12 I’m definitely going to look into working more and changing role so I can earn more if he won’t be more fair in splitting the bills. We have previously lived together and everything went into our joint account which didn’t work as he said I spent all of his money (which I didn’t, it went on the house and family). So before he moved in this time I did say that we should change the financial arrangement and pay things based on a % of our income. He was ok with this until I’ve brought the subject up again last night

Just throw him out. I would rather be single than all this living together, not living together etc. He thinks you just want to sponge off him. He has no respect for you.

Oh, just dump him. He sounds horrible.

Wow, what a prince eh?

Sorry, I know it's not helpful to say now, but you really should have had this conversation BEFORE he moved in.

Cheeky bastard, saying that you are spending 'his money' when you are just supporting your children and he is the one who is free loading from YOU by moving in and not paying his fair share. And then to say he feels he's being 'punished' for earning more? Incredible. No, you are being asked to pay your fair share and support your child, you miserable Tight-fisted git! Sadly it seems that so many men are selfish like that these days.

The state does still expect couples living together to share their money and support each other, but this view seems to be at odds with how many men seem to be thinking nowadays.

I would feel like throwing him out and going to seeking more maintenance, but sadly that might not work, especially if he's self-employed and can fiddle with the figures.

Go it alone, you'll feel much better for it and be in a much better financial position too because he'll be paying maintenance to you for your joint child.

Ask him to demonstrate how well he'd step up with the kids if you went full time and then go full time.

Out of interest, put his earnings through the CMS calculator and see what that says he should be paying if he wasn't living with you. No need to tell him but I suspect you have yourself an infamous cock lodger there.

so he should live there rent free?