Married for 20 years. No sex for several years due to issues on both parts.
We drifted for a few years, but in the last few years we have really come back to together. We never separated, just doing more of our own things at the time.
He has developed ED. He said he was too embarrassed to buy Viagra, so I brought it for him. He has never taken it.
I initiate a lot of kissing in bed, he can pull away from this or say his mouth aches or is too dry from too much kissing.
I wear sexy undies, he barely notices and certainly never comments. I end up feeling stupid getting 'dressed up' (so to speak) and quietly just change back into my PJs.
Excuses in bed range from he has wind/feels bloated, me touching his genitals tickles him too much, he is tired, he feels ill, he has no energy. Last night he was apparently too hot and laid on top of the covers, whereas I was underneath them, naked waiting to cuddle and just be close (which he knew).
He knows I know he has ED and cant perform and therefore sex is probably not going to happen, I have told him there is no pressure and we can do other things. He knows there is no expectation for sex.
He is making me feel ugly and unwanted. I can only presume he finds me repulsive. I have (mild) body dysmorphia and self image issues. He knows this.