Over the hill at 53?

[CM97]

Feeling sorry for myself this evening. Last year I met someone on line, we were together for 11 months and I fell for him big time. He was a narcissist, controlling and manipulating. He left me 6 weeks ago and I fell apart. Now I'm just thinking he was my last chance of a relationship. I've looked at OLD again but I'm just comparing them all to him and thinking I'll never meet anyone as lovely.

Hit me with your positive stories of finding love when you are 53!!

I was married to a controlling narcissist for 23 years before having the courage to leave. It was hell on earth and now my life as a single parent is bliss in comparison. I am also 53. It does get lonely on your own but the loneliness was way worse in a narcissistic relationship because you don’t even exist at all - you are merely an extension of them to express all their dysfunction.

If you want to enhance your chances of meeting someone decent I would work on being happy with the life you have now - develop hobbies, join clubs, form more non-romantic friendships. When I get my last one out of school I plan to travel a bit. Decent people are more attracted to self sufficient romantic partners who are at peace with themselves.

If you give of vibes on the other hand that you are nothing without a saviour partner you may end up attracting poorer quality men.

Listen i was saying a narcissist too from the age of 41-43. I'm 51 now and just returned to online dating. I've met someone who is 49 and I'm just going to go for it. No looking back. No what ifs. Just try again and keep everything crossed. I don't really think about the love I lost im over it. Maybe you need a bit more time?

Nope, I was married to a narcissist from 20-46 wish I'd left years before instead of wasting half my life. Met a lovely guy 18 months later and we were together for 5 1/2 years until he died unexpectedly. Life with a narcissist is hell I wish I'd had more years with my DP. I'm also 53 and would rather be alone than with another narc. Get some counselling if you are thinking that being with him is better than being alone.

@CM97
He wasn't lovely, he was a narcissist. Wolf in sheep's clothing more like.