Wish I'd known about MN years ago

[SwordToFlamethrower]

I disovered Munsnet a couple of years back and though mostly a lurker, I sometimes comment and very rarely post.

But I really love this site for the advice. I will read a post and then form my own thoughts before reading the comments to see if I am in alignment. As an autistic woman, it is good social practice for me.

I left an abusive relationship back in 2011, fled with my two kids age 7 and 18 months with nothing, I was homeless before getting a private rental.

It took me over 5 years to leave my ex fiance and the abuse I suffered still affects me to this day.

If this forum had been available to me, maybe things could have been different. I was in such a bad situation and I see women posting similar on here with some truly wonderful, life changing support and advice.

I was isolated and had no one to reach out to. He was the popular "caring friend" to everyone, but behind closed doors, he was monstrous. I didn't know the term "gaslighting" until years after I left him. He had me believing my abuse was my fault. He controlled everything about me. Even my thoughts. I had no access to my own money, despite running two businesses. He told me I was a miserable bitch, soulless. He was violent and neglectful. He used my children to control me too. I remember lokcing myself in the bathroom, crying and terrified and my poor son, knocking on the door at age 5 saying "mummy, stop being naughty to daddy and feed the baby".

I suffered ten years of horrific abuse.

He told me if I left him, I would become bankrupt, have the children taken away from me, I would be alone in the gutter and no man would ever want me. Actual words he used to use whenever I told him I wanted to end the relationship.

In the end, I told him, I would rather be in the gutter than be with him.

I think, if I'd known about MN I could have gotten away sooner.

So I am very thankful this place exists, just think, all the women who have been saved because of the love, support and advice from you all.

Well done all of you. And thank you to MNHQ for being so fiercely advocates of women.

Anyone?

I’m sorry you went through such a hard time but bloody well done on getting yourself and your children out.

And I completely agree the advice on here is invaluable at times. I’ve been in here years and have lost count of the amount of women who have been helped to leave awful situations.

It makes up for the fact that there can be absolutely horrible comments at times.

Yeah indeed, I "chose" to have a second baby with him, despite the relationship being abusive. My reasons at the time was because I felt utterly trapped and unable to improve my situation, so I decided to make the best of it and i really wanted a baby to love and take care of, maybe as a distraction? I dunno.

I did the best I could with what I had at the time.

I reckon I'd have had my arse handed to me for doing that, on here. I was (and still am!) Very sensitive and wear my heart on my sleeve. I would have taken that very hard I think.

Women do what they can in abusive situations where choices are extremely limited.

Ironically, I was being stalked by a very dangerous man at the same time as being in an abusive relationship and was liasing with the police about that. I didn't feel I could also tell them I was in an abusive relationship. I genuinely thought they'd laugh at me or tell me it must be my fault.

Imagine having a meeting with police about my stalker yet inside, screaming to tell them I needed protection from my own fiance too.