Crippling lack of self-confidence - help please

[doobeedoobeedoo345]

Hi there,

I'm not sure if I've put this in the right place - but I'm hoping someone might be able to help with my confidence - or complete lack thereof.

I'm F31, and it's got the point where at times I am crippled by it. I am confident in my workplace etc and have acheived very well, but when it comes to feeling confident in my appearance I completely disintegrate. I think I am fairly ok looking and my partner always tells me he thinks I am beautiful but for some reason I can't make myself feel more confident about how I look. I hate all the clothes I own and am on a constant hunt for the 'perfect' pair of whatevers, that I actually feel comfortable and confident in. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this but would really appreicate it if anyone had any tangible tips for how to maybe feel a bit better about myself...

Bump…please 🙌

Regarding appearance, think of the plainest person you know that you also adore or respect. Why do you adore or respect them? Because of who they are, not what they look like.
So long as you are clean and presentable (and possibly reasonably smart for work, depending on your job) there is nothing further required of you.
Confidence about appearance, however is often about this: do I look sexually attractive? rather than: do I look clean and presentable. Visual media presents us with endless images of the stereotypical sexy woman. Our deviation from these images (I curse the inventor of mirrors) is intended to cause woe, thus we can be sold all manner of goods in order to try to 'improve' ourselves. It's hard not to feel it, but it's best not to fall for it. Sexiness is as much an inner charisma as a particular outer look.

Aww, OP. It sounds like you need to give yourself some love!

First, when you're buying clothes, do you buy them because you actually like them or because they're fashionable/what your peers are wearing? I've always been alternative but went through a very brief phase after my first baby of dressing more "mumsy". I bloody hated it! I didn't feel like me at all in little blouses and jeans. Dumped the clothes in a charity shop and went back to my usual clothes, that I actually like, and felt a million times better.

Is there a style you like? Or items you think suit you - for example, I like long flowy dresses with lace up boots, sometimes a "corset" style thing on top, and oversized cardigans! It isn't really a proper style but I know those elements suit me, and I suit them!

Have you had a nice haircut in a style you like? I chopped my hair off into a French bob! Have you got Pinterest? That's fun to explore and without the Instagram endless reels of pouting women in gym wear/going out clothes/latest fashion they're trying to sell.

These are the tangible things I'd look at. But also have a think about why you feel this way. It's obviously deeply ingrained, so a bit of deep self reflection will be your starting point. Do you care what others think? Why? Or is it just you you're focusing on?