How do you gather your thoughts when you get negative feedback?

[Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon]

At work (or even on here when someone is vicious)?

I had a conversation with a colleague today who began with “can I be honest?” Then proceeded to tell me about a work thing we are working on but has met bumps in the road way out of both our control. Not happy and told me so.
They made me feel like shit if I’m honest.

As a lifelong people pleaser due to abusive, violent, aggressive parents who made me terrified to speak, extending into adulthood,,,,, how do I become more resilient and not feel hideous after such encounters?
How do you do it?

It’s hard to do but that phrase that says “the only person who can let someone upset you is you” is so true. I always think that the only thing you can fully see is someone else’s actions - you can never see the full intent behind them. So maybe they meant to be a prick, or maybe they had a bad day and it came out wrong.

Either way - I don’t let it upset me. If I’m wrong, I apologise and learn. If I’m not, I act appropriately and tell them (calmly) why.

after a clanger on MN I step away a bit, as no one on the internet should ever upset you. If they do, you’re too invested!

Always wait 24-48 hours to respond to any feedback, good or bad. That way you allow yourself time to be clear, let yourself reflect a bit to make sure you don't respond rashly and you might even find you don't need to respond to it at all. Take the time. Let yourself work through the initial reactionary feelings then see how you feel tomorrow or the day after. Remember it doesn't change your value. Take what is useful on board and leave anything else.

Great advice re waiting the 24-48 hours. I like that, it’s very doable.