DS 18 has asked to see a therapist - no idea where to start

[boyohboys]

I'm really relieved/pleased he's reached out but not sure what I'm looking for so would appreciate some guidance on what type of therapist he should see, where to find someone decent and rough idea of cost.

Background: DS 18 has been tricky for a few years - we initially put it down to normal teenage/hormones but at nearly 19 & about to leave FT education he's not grown out of it and is now a full blow angry man (mainly saved for home but also hugely disrespectful to any figure of authority plus I think shows misogynistic traits🙁) He has been really bloody hard to live with & once he's left school I'm not sure how much longer my DH - his Dad - will put up with his behaviour/attitude especially how he speaks to me which is pretty vile. After yet another blow out argument the other day I managed to get him talking about how he felt and he says he doesn't have any focus or direction in life - he said not work just life in general and absolutely doesn't feel depressed or suicidal but doesn't 'see the point'. He said we never praise him, always find fault in everything he does, he doesn't think he can do anything right and we never say anything good or positive to him. That really hurt & instinct is to vehemently disagree but actually the last few years he probably has a point on some things (it's hard to be positive & loving to someone that's just called you a fucking lazy bitch or slammed a door in your face). We would probably all benefit from having some family therapy but right now I need to find him the help he's asked for.
Anyone?

If there’s no specific past issues he needs to work through then try Solution Focused Hypnotherapy - it works by working on development points (which would include helping find a direction in life) and reducing stress chemicals (which is likely where his anger is coming from).

You can find therapists here https://www.hypnotherapists.org.uk/ which is the National Council for Hypnotherapy.

I am training in it and it sounds like it would be a good fit for the issues you have described.

I second hypnotherapy as a good option. The danger with talking therapy in a situation with an angry young man is that some therapists might go looking for past experiences to find reasons for his feelings/behaviour when that might not be particularly helpful in the here and now.
your priority has to be restoring the bond and respect between parents and child.
In my experience this can only be done with empathy and understanding. While at the same time making it clear that certain behaviours aren’t acceptable, he as a person is always worthy and loved.
My ds is also 18 and has always had some challenging behaviours (adhd & asd). I keep essential boundaries in place, stay calm and praise wherever I can. He’s still a bit lost in the world but not as much as he might have been.

Thanks both will take a look. Do you think (given my concerns about his misogynistic tendencies) he might respond better to a male hypnotherapist?. It could just be how he treats me clouding my judgement on this but the way he speaks about his female friends or famous women for example is sometimes is quite negative or derogatory. I will always say something either as a reprimand or even offer alternative more favourable / decent view point but that often leads to him arguing his way out of it.

You can self refer on thd nhs app

Do you think he might respond better to a male therapist

Possibly, yes. You could pick a couple of therapist (mix of make and female) that you think would be suitable and let him choose who he wants to work with - this type of therapy is about personal choice and responsibility so a good idea to let choose.

And it can be done online so no need to stick with local therapists

Thanks definitely agree he need to be involve - he's 18 so will probably have to book & organise anyway but I will provide some suggestions and let him choose. Our nhs offer funded talking therapies via a local charity - but not hypnotherapy but may get him to complete the self referral questionnaire anyway ( although won't hold my breath on that based on a friend's experience with her daughter who was SH. Really appreciate the advice