Can you help me with my nearly 4yo getting dressed?

[oxfordowl]

Looking for specific advice regarding my son's issues surrounding getting dressed and choice of clothes etc in case anyone has experienced this and has some clever ideas. Background: He is 4 in July. He is a typical preschooler in the sense that he can be very stubborn etc. He is also very energetic, big for his age and knows what he wants, incredibly strong willed but can also be sensitive about things. I do employ the usual tactics like choice of 2 things etc, and follow Big Little Feelings, have read all the books (Unconditional Parenting, Phillippa Perry, How to talk..., raising Your Spirited Child) etc etc.

I am aware that there may be sensory issues around clothes but I am unclear how to know if it's that or just typical pre-schooler behaviour. He doesn't seem to have any autistic traits at all (I'm a teacher so have some experience to draw on) and I have done the online questionnaires which come up as "neurotypical / normative".

The issue we are experiencing is that he has a huge meltdown every morning over his clothes. He has always been fussy but it is now getting even more. I have tried everything from offering a choice of 2 items, 3 items, to not offering any choice, to letting him have free rein over his whole wardrobe, but each one results in the same thing. He gets upset about everything. It's not aways for the same reason either so I can't seem to work out what he will want to wear. e.g. one day he wants black shorts because they are soft, but the next day he doesn't want those, and he wants pink ones because they don't have laces at the top. Or a t-shirt with a logo on, versus one without a pocket, versus this colour, that colour etc. Socks have become a massive issue and there are no socks that please him at all, but equally wearing no socks upsets him greatly. We have seen enormous tantrums's and great distress with real tears. I have successfully distracted and got him away from his bedroom fully dressed but with bare feet, and calmed him only for it to kick off again when it's time to out shoes and socks on.

I have tried gradually introducing simpler clothes to try and Mark Zuckerberg his wardrobe and reduce the choices available but obviously there are differences in colours, details etc.

We had a similar thing with his reading books at bedtime when he was 2 (he used to get overwhelmed by the choice his book shelf) and we started putting out a choice of 5 books from the "book fairy" before bed (he chooses 3). This still works (!) but when I tried introducing a clothes fairy he said he knew it was me! So that won't cut it at nearly 4! It's also started up at bedtime despite him only having 1 set of clean pyjamas each week, he starts saying he doesn't want these ones he wants the others, then changing his mind again and again and getting upset.

Can anyone advise?

And just to add I couldn't care less what he wears as long as it is clean so there is no pressure coming from me to wear this or that. He is always hot and I gave up trying to get him to wear a jumper or a coat years ago!

Bless.
Have you tried picking clothes the night before?
Bamboo socks are particularly soft and pleasant feeling.
Regarding the PJ's, maybe next time he goes up a size buy a few sets of identical ones so there is no difference? No choices to make then.

No particular suggestions to offer I'm afraid, just a mention that my friends 4yo can be similar to this with food. Often when you ask if he wants a snack, he'll say yes, you ask what he wants he'll say "I don't know" - suggest some options of things he likes, he'll get upset and say no to all of those but refuse to pick anything else. He'll sit there crying saying "I don't know what to have" - whether you've offered him a biscuit or crisps, or taken him to the kitchen cupboard to pick something out, or just said would you like honey toast. It doesn't seem to matter how you approach it, if that day he's primed to be overwhelmed and upset about food, he's going to be. He'll also make unreasonable demands like he won't be happy with one fruit bar or one brioche, he must have two or three on his plate, even though he won't eat them all. Or if one slice of apple looks 'wrong' the entire apple must be thrown away and he has to have a fresh one.

He's not really like that with anything else, just food. And it's not all of the time. But particularly bad at breakfast and when he's tired.

I feel like picking clothes the night before just makes it more of a big deal and also provides two opportunities for upset rather than one. I'm constantly trying to keep it low key and not make it a massive thing, even though it is!

Bumping in case anyone's had experience of this

Some of mine when younger had sensory issues with clothes, preferred old/secondhand as they felt softer more comfortable (can't help about the choosing as they didn't care what I put them in just the feeling). But have you tried seamless socks, i still can't stand seams in socks (and I wonder where my kids get it from🤣).
I did used to use the trick of limiting choices to get through shopping without tantrums, did work in supermarkets, told them before going in that they could have three choices and just made sure they had chosen three times before the sweet aisle if I didn't want them having sweets that day.