Low/high maintenance kids

[FinchontheAtticus]

This isn’t a dig at either type I’m just curious and obviously all kids come with their challenges!

I’m a nanny and care for 2 sets of kids from 2 families at different times. Both family kids are the same age and in KS1.

Family A kids are ravenous, always wanting snacks, want adult attention constantly, always seem to be sick or itchy or tired, forever falling over or banging this and that and won’t sleep through the night. I adore the kids but I don’t stop 😂

Family B kids won’t remember to eat until you tell them it’s dinner time, are happy to play independently, rarely ill, will dress themselves no problem and just generally are pretty easy going.

Im picking up family A kids from school in an hour and I’m struggling with first trimester symptoms (but haven’t told anyone yet as I’m only 5 weeks) and dreading how full on this evening is going to be so I’m just curious if anyone is in the same boat with high maintenance kids ? 😁

I'm going with genetics. Exacerbated by the fact that high energy/maintenance/fussy people tend to be frustrated with the low energy/ whatever/ later-later people and vice versa so they seek out their own kind for relationships and create their similar children.

Sorry you feel like crap, op. First trimester is a real endurance, especially in warmer weather.

Just had a text from parents to say one child is ill today and the other injured themselves on the weekend.. hopefully I can get them on the sofa for a movie night to minimise the fuss!

Yeah, fingers crossed. Just keep the sick one farthest away from you 😁

Eek, that sounds seriously tough OP, good luck.

I have one high maintenance and one low maintenance 🤪. I think it’s maybe 75% genes (2 different dads) and 25% that for low maintenance DC their dad really wanted them to be in a good routine. So we’ve always done meals on a v set schedule, don’t really snack, all food to be eaten at the table, very set nap, sleep, wake times (and will wake her if still sleeping). She has also had a lot of settled home time with me and a very settled time at one nursery. So, not sure if a very calm settled life has helped a bit. Possibly not and it’s just her personality 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Parenting absolutely. All the needy children I know are simply that because of how the parents treat them when little jumping up at every little scrape or bruise, doing everything for them and the independent because parents allow the children to figure out things for themselves while on stand by for major issues. Our 3 toddlers and 1 other stand out at nursery because they put there own shoes,coats on,happily eat anything and by themselves,fall and pick themselves up without screaming etc and that's because we don't run to them every second and make a huge issue of everything. My cousin's toddlers are the complete opposite always wanting mummy to wipe up,dress,comfort them every second but that's because she's done that since a baby. All different parenting ways that affect a child's behaviour

This 100%. The amount of whiny demanding children I saw when mine were similar ages and you could see as clear as day it was all about how indulgent (or useless) parenting enabled it.

I think they vary and different times and different stages as to how their personality plays out. for me:

child 1 - easy baby, very demanding 1 year old as was an early walker. Delightful toddler. Can be very independent but needs social and physical stimulation- she doesn’t do well without friends and lock down was very hard. So she’s demanding in terms of attention and she’s a creative whirlwind, gets quite emotional but very well behaved really. If you give her some quality time, make sure she has play dates she’s easy. If she’s having friendship dramas or doesn’t have enough outlet for her creativity she’s really hard work.

Child 2- easy baby and young toddler. Nightmare at 3. Doesn’t crave attention and very happy to get on with things. She’s basically like a cat- she can play on her own for hours but she’s very stubborn and prone to not listening. She’s much more steady than number 1 emotionally. On a good day, she’s really easy. On a bad day, I could be tearing my hair out.

There can be elements of the parenting but surely some of it is just how kids are made. There are plenty of families where one kid sleeps well and the other is a nightmare sleeper. One will eat anything and the other won't.

With my friends kids, one will be sick at the drop of a hat - if he gets a bit of tomato skin caught on the roof of his mouth, or takes too big a mouthful of something, boom he'll vomit. His brother has only been sick maybe 2 or 3 times in his entire life. Mr Hairtrigger Gag Reflex was also the classic viral wheeze toddler and had to go to hospital several times getting wheezes from colds, still has an inhaler for cough and cold season. That is fairly high maintenance but just what genetics have dealt.

I don't think it can be just parenting because one of my DC is much higher maintenance than the other two!

I think it's genetics and parenting... having watched mine and my nieces and nephews this weekend, so we know the families and parenting styles, me and DH have had the same debate.

My child was happily drinking dirty paddling pool water from a bucket and told everyone not to worry about it whilst launching herself off the top of a big old garden toy car into the paddling pool, but policing everyone wearing suncream and a hat. Niece the same age refused to get in the paddling pool in case she got her hair wet, despite being encouraged by everyone. Nephew very happily followed my DD into danger, but I've never known a child ask for as many snacks or notice the heat quite that much.

Think they pop out a certain way but we massively influence their personality.

Congrats and good luck - it's rough, especially in relative warmth. My own DD was hard enough to deal with in the early weeks, let alone anyone elses DC. You're a superhero! X