Resentful of dad for being such a pushover with my brother

[BoundaryGirl3939]

I have a younger brother who has always had a poor me/victim mentality. He lived with my dad until 3 years ago (at age 34) when he moved out with his girlfriend. They built their own house 10 mins away.
During his time with my dad, he didn't buy any groceries or pay any rent.
Even though my brother has his own house now, he will move back into my dad's house with his partner when my dad goes away for weekends. He prefers our family home as its nicer than his own. Its strange behaviour as he has a lovely house himself. My dad is 69.
My brother undertook a project 3 years ago and got a grant. He needed to invest money before grant came through and I found out yesterday that my dad paid 1000s for this project. My dad wouldn't have gotten money back.
My dad is being abused but I'm angrier with my dad moreso than my brother as its my dad who is enabling this awful behaviour. My dad shuts down if I bring it up but I'm so frustrated.

Oh god no wonder you are angry. I'm sure posters will come along and tell you its nothing to do with you and they are probably right but you absolutely are allowed by upset. I've seen this pattern in many families and in my own for a while. My sis was bailed out a few times because poor her, its so expensive to rent these days etc, she couldn't help get into debt. She lived way beyond her means, eating out all the time, taxis home cos she didn't feel like the bus etc. She lived like a bloody princess. My Dad would give her a one off payment and never question how on earth I managed to pay rent and buy groceries and never sought a penny. I tried to talk to him and was told to stay out of it but it stopped by her 30s thankfully. I do know someone in a similar position to you with a brother taking the piss into his 40s now and nothing can be done. The martyr Dad doesn't seem to care about the tension it has caused between siblings. Ive come to the conclusion that either the parent enjoys the dependency because it makes them feel more powerful or because they see one child as less competent and basically a useless failure so I guess in a way its a back handed compliment to you. I think you should say it again to your Dad and your brother and then if you get nowhere just try to accept what you cannot change.

There's nothing wrong with the housing situation if your dad is happy.

My dad wouldn't have gotten money back.

I notice you say 'wouldn't have' rather than 'hasn't'. Does this mean you're just guessing?

That is infuriating Alala! I don't think they understand the resentment it causes between siblings. And they also help to create entitled and clueless adults who expect everything to be handed to them in life.
Your sister would drive me mad but in a way, it was your dad's fault for enabling this.
Yes, my brother had dyslexia in school so confidence wasn't great but my gosh, does he take the mick. I now think he he trying to take family home saying He is happier living there than the house he built. He plays victim card on purpose and knows exactly what he is doing!!!!!!

Trust me, he hasn't got the money back. It was a shed that was built. My brother conveniently wouldn't be around when workmen had to be paid, or would say his account currently empty. My dad confided in me that my brother is stingy, and won't pay bills if he can get away with it. Very dysfunctional.
He has borrowed money from me, and I never got it back. My dad is a softie. No way did he chase his poor boy.

My mother isn't happy with the situation though, and neither are my two other siblings. But it's my dad who lives there most of the time. He hasn't set boundaries and it's causing friction and resentment.