Annoyed over this

[chickkkkie]

i don’t trust DH mother alone with our son

DH goes today with son (he’s 2.5) to pick up his dad and take him shops (his dad doesn’t drive) and DS goes along as he loves a car ride and I was settling our 3mo baby

DH has said he’s left DS in care of his mum and went out alone with his dad

im a bit miffed he didn’t ask. He knows how I feel about it and I feel like hes done it on purpose as he’s known my feelings but just told me to shut up

im trying to hide my feelings but feel sick at the thought of her alone with him. I’m so worried and can’t settle until he’s back

Well I guess the burning question here is why do you not trust her with your child?

Can I ask what your concerns are relating to? Your reaction does seem odd, but maybe there's more to the story that you haven't shared?

We definitely need to know what the issues are before we can comment.

Not enough information.

Why don't you trust her?

Your dh is as entitled to make decisions about the kids as you are, presumably he doesn't want his child being hurt so assessed the situation and decided it was fine.

Unless she's done something horrific, and it's not just a case of you not getting on?

She tries to over feed him constantly, and also not in the right way. She didn’t know grapes need cutting and blueberries to be squashed - my son is one of her 5 grandkids.

she heavily dislikes me so I do get worried that she’ll try and say bad things about me to him. That sounds silly but my Nan did it to me about my mum and it was hard to deal with

i am silly but worry he’ll choke because she doesn’t serve food right And not know how to stop him cioking

DH has brushed me off and said he’ll tell her it’s not important but I don’t think he does

Can you say why this worries you so much?
What has your MIL done?

Have you addressed eg choking hazards with her? How does she respond?

I wouldn’t worry too much about over feeding, given it doesn’t sound like she spends much time with him.

Looks like she managed to bring your DH up to adulthood without him choking on a blueberry. I think you are being OTT.

She knows about the grapes and blueberries now. And grandparents are notorious for feeding everyone their grandkids.

It's pretty unfair to use your experience of what your nan did to limit the relationship between them too.

I get it's difficult that you don't get on, but your dh is your dcs other parent, and he wants his mum involved.

I might be a bit far. I suffer with anxiety so I go into overdrive over this especially hence why she’s minded him a handful of Times

it’s just more I wish he would’ve asked ? A quick trip has turned into an hour or two and I feel sick worrying

Why would he need your permission to leave his own child with his mother? He is allowed to make those parenting decisions himself. Please don't let your anxiety ruin your child's relationship with his grandmother.

I think this is more about your anxiety than her ability to look after your son.

Your DH is as much his parent as you are, he’s allowed to make decisions without always getting your approval.

Now all I can think is I don’t want to leave DH with him in case he does it again I don’t want him leaving him with his mother without even asking

This is more about your anxiety than anything else. You need to get help as it is affecting your quality of life.

Do you not think DH is allowed to make his own parenting decisions?

Do you ask your dh about every decision you make?

Your reaction to this isn't proportional.

How are you doing in general op?

He's entitled to make decisions about his son and he wants him to have a relationship with his grandmother.
You need to get help with your anxiety.

Appreciate you have a MH issue (I have too),and are worried, but the reasons you’ve given for not wanting her in sole charge of your DC aren’t good ones. Understandable your H won’t comply.

I understand both the fear of DC choking (I had and still have that and DC are teens 😆) and of GPs saying unacceptable things to DC when no one else is around (experienced this as a DC). But unless there is more, don’t think you have good grounds to ask DH never to leave DC with his mum for short periods.

I had disagreement with DH over his parent, I wouldn’t leave DC in their sole care and asked DH to agree not to do so either (we fell out over it).. But the GP had alcohol problems and showed poor judgment around DC on safety matters, eg heights and vehicles.