If you're a fairly quiet person, do you feel unsettled when caught 'unawares'?

[Winterysun]

I don't mean doing something you shouldn't be! 😀

It's more these types of examples, which have happened to me recently -

Browsing card rack in supermarket, needing a couple of birthday cards. Suddenly I felt a tap on the shoulder and it was a neighbour standing there. She launched straight in, 'OMG I was waving at you from over there, you look SO confused picking your cards'! I wasn't confused at all, maybe lost in my own thoughts but why feel the need to comment?!

Enjoying a coffee in the sunshine, while waiting for ds's train to come in. Suddenly a colleague appeared - 'Oh wow lucky you having time for coffee, I haven't stopped today! How are things?' I said Hi and chatted, but it was the only peaceful moment of that day and she cut right into it!

Watering our patio plants and heard 'COO-EE' and it was our neighbour popping his head over the fence. 'I was hoping to catch you, we're going away for a week etc etc'! I almost dropped the watering can! Unless urgent, I wouldn't shout across, I'd see they were in and knock on the door! (Just like, if I see a friend in town and she looks in a world of her own I don't approach and interrupt)!

If I'm meeting up with people/going to work/in local pub etc I'm naturally 'on', but it's when I'm not prepared for that sudden interaction I'm thrown, I suppose! Anybody else?

This, buck up OP!

I genuinely don't see anything negative or passive aggressive about either of those interactions - seems like perfectly normal "small talk" to me

Yes, they’re both mildly dopey comments from people who don’t sound especially sensitive, but that’s not something you can prevent in any kind of blanket way, so you need to deal with them.

I found it quite rude, too! 😀
Another supermarket one - last summer I was with my mum. Mum had the trolley and suddenly a multi-bag of crisps flew into it! It was a friend of hers, who'd thrown it into Mum's trolley to get her attention!

She said 'Oh gosh, you made me jump!' then started chatting. She said to Mum 'You looked SO serious I couldn't resist being a bit cheeky'!

Neither of us were being 'serious', we were shopping for BBQ food of all things. 😀

Maybe we both need to perfect supermarket style, neutral expressions?!

I don’t think you need to do anything at all with your expression, more that you need to find a way of dwelling less on other people’s trifling remarks.

I mean, the neighbour throwing crisps into your mother’s trolley thing happened the best part of a year ago! Regardless of whether or not you and/or your mother do default to ‘confused’ or ‘intensely serious’ faces while shopping, most people wouldn’t remember that incident 24 hours later, far less a year.

Maybe we both need to perfect supermarket style, neutral expressions?!

I think you just need to stop being so bothered about trivial small talk.

OP I'm imagining you as the Catherine Tate frightened woman 😆😆

I do know what you mean though. I'm usually in a world of my own with headphones in so get surprised by people all the time.

I think the issue is actually that you don’t want to waste your time conversing with irritating people. Which is fine, I am the same. Your first two examples were rude and the crisp throwing woman sounds like someone I would cross the road to avoid.

Being interrupted by idiots is bound to make you feel uncomfortable. It’s annoying!

That will be because you’re a much cleverer, more interesting, better person.

Clearly.

This is offensive actually. Millions of people are a bit quiet.

Ditto. And ditto in my case.

They are indeed, but that doesn’t make them introverts, misanthropic or with poor social skills. Neither does quietness have any correlation with ruminating over some ordinary slightly silly social chitchat from chance-met acquaintances or neighbours months after it took place.

I agree.

The crisp throwing is called humour. Whether you find it funny or not is a different thing. If you can find numerous examples, as you clearly can, of ways you are annoyed by being interrupted by small talk, perhaps the reason is not everyone else being an issue but how you react and interact yourself?

Even wearing these doesn't stop randoms trying to talk to me!

I’m surprised at how many people don’t think the card buying example and the coffee example are rude.

To me the coming up to someone uninvited to tell them something negative is poor social skills. The neighbour could easily have kept it as oh you looked like you were in deep thought. Calling someone confused over choosing a card? Nah. Uncalled for and rude. I’m pretty sure most of you who say you don’t think it’s rude wouldn’t like it being said to you in that way either.

And the coffee? With the whole ‘lucky you; I haven’t stopped today’ - I guess it depends on the tone - but at best it’s a bit tone deaf as they have no way of knowing what the op’s day has been like, and at worst it is passive aggressive. Again why go up to someone uninvited only to say something that is not neutral or positive?

Normal, well adjusted people with appropriate social skills don’t behave like this. And I know this for a fact because I also interact with many people regularly.

OP, just wanted to say that there is such a thing as an ambivert, and I think you fit the definition of this. I do too! I love socialising, going to clubs and pubs, meeting up with mates etc but I also value my time alone too, so I get you!

@friedgold I was saying in my case I have been diagnosed with autism. I can suggest to my HCP that you know better.

Thank you Didi. I've not heard of an Ambivert, but the description totally describes my personality so I must be one!

The poster who mentioned Catherine Tate's 'frightened woman', I'm definitely not that bad! 😀

I don't like it because I find it difficult to switch from quiet mode to chat mode. I feel flustered and a red rash creeps up my neck and into my face from the adrenaline. It's not that Im introverted, or I don't like the person or even that I don't want to chat to them. I just struggle to move seamlessly into conversation. I feel put in the spot and it's usually the time I agree to do favours that aren't convenient or give an awkward answer to a question 🤣