Aggressive 8 year old

[SayMumOneMoreTime]

I have a tendency to over think things, so I am looking for outside perspectives on this situation.

My son has a friend he has known his whole life. This friend (we'll call him Jamie) has a real temper and has always struggled with anger even when he was tiny. The boys have lots of similar interests, and get on well some of the time but often Jamie will get really angry and be unable to calm down.

A few weeks ago they were playing after school, and suddenly Jamie started shouting at my son and attacked him. Jamie's mum grabbed him and held him back while he struggled to get back to my son. He was shouting 'I hate you' over and over and trying to get at him. Every time his mum let him go he charged at my son so I stood between them, grabbed my kids and left. My son felt quite shaken and we talked about it together and how he felt.

Several weeks later I am still angry! My son is absolutely fine. I think I'm angry because Jamie has not apologised, his mum hasn't mentioned it and I think she should have addressed it.

I think I am a bit judgy of her parenting, she excuses a lot of stuff as 'boys will be boys' and I think he should be told off/made to make amends for his behaviour. So I haven't brought it up because I don't know how to or if I'm justified! However, I currently feel like I don't want to encourage the friendship and she's asking if my son wants to go on activities/play dates and I am running out of excuses.

How do I address this? I welcome all opinions!

how do you address it?

good grief Op it’s obvious

go to the school!!

Tell the school. This lad has learned this behaviour from home. Either directly, because his parents do this to him, or through some other sort of abuse/neglect where he is such an angry lad.

The school will help.

Unless he's being aggressive towards your son at school, it's not something they can deal with.

I think your best bet is to limit their contact and definitely not to encourage the friendship. Your son would benefit from other friends.

Well you’re not wrong to expect some form of apology form the boy and his mother. That level of aggression is not a good sign.
When she asks can you not be honest - ‘I’m sorry but after what happened with x last time I’m not sure play dates are a good idea for a while. Ds was really shaken up.’

Well for a start, I'd tell her both you and your son were pretty shook up at her son's aggressive behaviour. You don't feel it's been addressed and as such, you think it's in your son's best interests to keep them apart

What's it got to do with the school? This took place after school and is surely a parental thing. Why does everyone expect teachers to raise their children these days?

Don’t involve school unless it is also happening at school.

because of the boy is doing this actually in front of his own mother and the Op

you don’t think he’ll be doing this on the playground?

the OP can’t parent this boy!!

It's not happening in school because my son says the teachers are on it, and his behaviour is much better there. The school are excellent at communicating any issues so I have confidence that I would be told if this kind of thing occurred.

This is not accurate. He could have any number of conditions that make him unable to regulate his emotions.

Having said that, it is not okay to minimise or accept this behaviour and I would keep my children away from him.

so if the Op can’t parent the boy
and she doesn’t respect the parenting style of the boy in question
and given what sounds like a very disturbing scenario
i would be contacting the school about safety concerns for my son whilst at school

ok so if doesn’t happen at school

the ball is entirely in your court op

be straight with the boys mother that given the disturbing scenario of a few weeks ago, you think best space between the boys outside of school

It's tricky because I've known the mum for years, and although we aren't close we are part of a wider group. It feels like a big deal to say something, and confrontational. I want to though, and want to limit the time the boys spend together. I think I will encourage other friendships too.