How did you find the right therapist ?

[Lifesabeachbaby]

Was has therapy done for you?

I have seen quite a lot of therapists over a long time scale but each person for probably a few sessions. I just haven’t ever found someone who really understands me or connects with me. They either just sit there looking bemused and don’t say much that is helpful, or are actually unhelpful. Seem to be out of their depth, or are just missing the mark somehow. Others seem a bit unstable themselves. I have found them through BACP and always check their qualifications.

I find when contacted quite a few respond in a very dismissive way by email, or don’t reply at all. Many are fully booked. I feel I need psychotherapy long term, not just counselling but just cannot find the right person. I wonder if therapy is the right thing at all since I just can’t find anyone I ‘click’ with.

I would be interested to hear other experiences of therapy and how you found the right fit.

Unfortunately most of my sessions have been through NHS which meant I didn't get a choice.

The one private person I had came recommended through a family member.

I really lucked out on an NHS counsellor last time and she changed my life. I have sadly had very negative experiences with others.

I hope you find someone, op.

Thanks. Glad you found someone who helped! It’s scary how many counsellors are really poor . I believe there is someone out there who would be helpful but don’t want to waste more time and money . I also now have trust issues.

I am a counsellor and have had extensive counselling.

I have had 5 therapists over my lifetime, and found 2 of them truly life changing and the other 3 just OK.

Research shows that "the fit" between the client and the therapist is the most important factor. Much more important than experience or modality etc.

You could try the Counselling Directory www.counselling-directory.org.uk . Lots of therapists offer a free initial chat so that you can try to get a feel for each other before you start. It can be a bit of trial and error.

It's hugely relational. Just like we "click" better with some colleagues than others, we will "click" better with some therapists than others.

Trial and error honestly.

I have therapy for a couple of particular reasons that do not include a traumatic event (because I’m not ready to move into that right now) and I found with my current therapist I felt safe enough to mention it which is not something I have felt before so that was, to me, confirmation that she was the right one

I’ve had 4. (5 but one died so I’m not going to hold that against him tbh 😉)

one we just didn’t gel, I found her quite judgy and felt blamed for things quite often so after 7 sessions I stopped (looking back I should’ve stopped at 2!)

One kept using motivational quotes, I hate motivational quotes and asked her to not as I didn’t find it helpful and she dismissed me and said “oh we just haven’t found the right one for you!” 3 sessions and I was done

One was perfectly nice but didn’t really say anything, just nodded which may actually be good for some people, but I just found it really unhelpful

And my current one who I saw a few years ago in person, I moved away and saw all the others then reached out to her again and we now do video calls

Hi there,

I have had 6 and the 6th one just fits! She's great, 5 years older than me and I have been with her for 5 years.

I have Complex trauma/ptsd / abandonment issues etc and she is non judgemental, very colloaborative, offers great insight. We've had a couple of ruptures over the 5 years , all been handled impeccably well on her part . Very professional. Exactly what I needed.

Don't give up, you will find someone. Most do offer phone calls etc, so I would think about what you really want/need from a therapist and ask those questions on the outset.

I’ve had eight, the best one I saw for a long time (too long) , found him on counselling directory, and he facilitated a lot of change, but over time - 60 sessions - I got the feeling I was being financially exploited by this person in private practice because the sessions became just a space to vent, which isn’t therapeutic. He’d also hinted a couple of times that he struggled with money.

The therapeutic relationship should be at the core of the therapy, but it’s not just that - like with any profession, there are counsellors out there who’re a bit shit at what they do and shouldn’t be practicing. The quality of training varies too (I’m a counsellor).

Interesting. I just feel exhausted at the thought of all the money time and effort it will take to keep trying!

Another therapist here. Wouldn’t expect to be paid for just nodding. I’ve also had a lot of therapy and it is a question of auditioning people until you find one who fits. And it might not be the same one at different stages. I saw someone for a long time, really figured out a lot about myself in the process but they couldn’t work with me after a certain point, partly because what I was bringing took them past where they were comfortable.

Try UKCP register.

Many therapists will offer a short introductory call which is a good opportunity to talk to them about their qualifications, experience and their ethos. You can often get a sense of whether you find them easy to talk to by phone.

In terms of paying, if I/the client doesn’t think we’re the right fit I won’t charge for the first session. It can get expensive finding a therapist and I don’t want someone to keep coming because they’ve started something that isn’t working and therapy is one place where relationship really matters.

I’ve looked at that website loads of times but checked in again just in case. Suddenly saw someone who just jumped out at me. Thanks so much.

I wish everyone was as ethical as you!

I was just 'given' mine by a rape charity. But she is amazing. She is a qualified psychologist rather than a counsellor but she has made such a difference I think she has saved my life.