Dad won't go to hospital

[Patienceisntvirtuous]

My Mum and Dad are married but my Mum is currently on holiday a 10 hour flight away.

She's got in touch with me today to say that my Dad has lost sight in one eye, four days ago and has only told her yesterday. She's cutting her trip short, coming back today.

On her advice he went to the opticians and they're made a hospital referral-they told him he might've had a stroke.

He hasn't heard from the hospital yet.
I told my Mum today to get him to get a taxi to the nearest hospital, he needs to get it looked at.
He won't go. He won't ring 111 either.

I am working until 20:00 today but I am sure if I needed to my manager would let me take time off to get to the hospital but my Mum says my Dad won't want me to know, he's told her not to tell anybody!

His friend has been round to see him, I said can friend not drive him to hospital? Can he not call an ambulance? No, he won't accept a lift and won't want an ambulance.

For context me and my Dad have never got on well and currently haven't spoken for a couple of months. It's his 70th next week too-I'd planned to bake a cake and take a card/present round-I'd offered to take him out for a meal/drinks but he'd declined. He definitely wouldn't want me taking him to hospital. He's also said he doesn't want to wait in A&E-I find this so bizarre! It's not as if he's broken a nail ffs.

No other family around-I'm his only child and my half-sibling is away with Mum.

Nothing I can do I suppose but... I guess I just wanted to see if anyone knew what this might be, any advice at all?Thank you!

I remember your last thread about his birthday where you were generally advised to leave him to it as other family weren't bothering and you don't have a good relationship.
My advice would be the same leave him to it. Your mother can deal with it or not when she gets back. He has capacity, he won't accept your involvement.
Just stay away from the whole thing. It seems you are kind and it's hard but he isn't your problem to solve he's a grown ass man.

Might have been able to get a GP to do a home visit.
My DM won’t go either OP, she had GP and some tests at home and they think it’s cancer. There’s not much you can do if they refuse. The GP has recorded this on notes, she has full capacity and her reasons are sound.
They can’t force anyone to seek treatment.

Hope your dad will be ok and your DM isn’t too stressed by this ordeal.

Assuming that this gentleman has capacity, why would anyone think they have the right to tell him what to do? It's his choice, FFS. Imagine yourself when you're older, with interfering people trying to push you around, especially when it's to do with your health. Where is the empathy??

It’s his decision, if he has the capacity and is aware of the risks there’s nothing you can do.

If you can, then go. You'll get a good idea whether he has 'changed' ie, any further signs of a stroke like slurring, confusion etc. You might be able to talk him around to getting medical help. Unfortunately, if he refuses, you can point out the risks but ultimately, if he has capacity, then he can make this unwise decision. I think it's selfish of him though really as you/your mum will be the ones to have to support him if his condition worsens.

What about empathy for the woman who will have to care for him.

You can call an ambulance from a different area. I’ve had to do it, explained I was in X county but elderly relative in Y county ( about 150 miles away) had had a fall and was stuck on the floor. She’d told me not to call an ambulance as she’d wait for her grandson to call in as “ he sometimes does on his way home from work” ( it was about 10 am) 999 call handier was brilliant and she had an ambulance with her within an hour. But not sure how you’d call from outside the UK, I’m guessing 999 wouldn’t work.
You could call an ambulance and the paramedics will assess him. He may well go with them.

Speaking as someone of a similar age to him I think he is being extremely selfish for reporting how worried he is to your mother while she's on holiday and then refusing to seek treatment. I can't help thinking that the aim is to ruin her holiday.
A considerate person would go to hospital and not bother her until they had a proper idea what's going on.
He's free to make his own decisions but if there's a permanent negative effect on his health it will impact your Mum as well as him.
I would have one attempt at telling him you know and are concerned about him, will he go to hospital with you? If he refuses I wouldn't argue too much, I would just point out that there might be negative consequences which will affect both his life and your Mum's.
I wouldn't worry too much about him being angry. If he's nasty I would just say that he knows where you are if he changes his mind and leave.

FFs he's an adult, you can't "make" him go anywhere. Yes it's frustrating when a parent refuses to listen to common sense but you have to respect his decision even if you know it's the wrong one.

if he was that unwell he'd go. I'm sure its a minor issue and he clearly can wait

No they won't. You're assuming he will agree to being assessed by the paramedics. From what the op has said, he will be annoyed and confused as to why they are there.