What do you say if your child asks...

[WoopsLiza]

... for you to spend time "as a family" - ie with your ex and them - on their birthday?

My DD, 10, has asked for this. I find it really uncomfortable to be with ex in any situation. He has made it clear, including to the children (because he is a selfish twat) that he wants to get back together. So on one hand I think it sends the wrong signals

He's also huffy and argumentative. I can literally say "hello" and he will make out that I have been deliberately offensive. So on the other hand ANY time with him us completely high stress. There is such tension, it feels like an argument is about yo break out at any time.

I therefore really think it is stupid to spend any time with him at all, let alone in the presence of the children. But my poor DD really wants to. How to handle this?

I remember reading ages ago that children generally want their parents to get back together after they've split up, in an ideal world. Of course we all know that that's far from realistic, but maybe bear that in mind when you're talking to her.

I'm afraid I wouldn't entertain doing something together in your situation as it would obviously make you stressed and cause an atmosphere. Perhaps you can find a way to explain to her that you really don't want to do that, even though it is her birthday. You want her to have a lovely birthday with whoever she's with but that won't be the two of you (you and your ex) together. It's worth explaining that that won't ever happen while he makes you stressed and uncomfortable.

Unfortunately this is something that children have to get used to.

My child is 10. I would do it I think, for her.
But it's hard

Me and ex could easy spend the day together with the kids and probably enjoy lt . Every situation is different though

Maybe in the future it night feel less loaded

I think you need to kindly explain to her that it won't be happy families that she wants, as you are no longer a family.

I wouldn't allow this to happen since he's told your DC that he wants to get back together. It would send mixed signals to your DC and be highly stressful for you.