How to manage expectation to avoid disappointment?

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I’m just curious if I’m oversensitive and therefore get more disappointed easily or if I expect too much and therefore that leaves me disappointed. So I guess I’m asking how you avoid disappointment for things that are out of your control and how much does being disappointed affect you?

A couple of little examples of what I mean - being disappointed that a restructure at work results in no opportunity for a step up.

Being disappointed that something you had been volunteering on for a while, you’ve been “kindly” suggested to take a step back from.

Being disappointed that a child’s friend moves schools.

Just to add - it seems the more you put yourself out there and hope, there more the chance to be disappointed/hurt. So do you put yourself less to avoid this or just go for it and take the risk anyway?

It's ok to b disappointed but depends how long it goes on for.

It can be better to move companies or move sideways first rather than up so to speak.

You could find another volunteer role or use the time to get further educated perhaps or just have some fun.

There us nothing you can do about people moving schools but you can try to encourage the friendship remains regardless.

Try to look at the disappointment as a way of indicating to you what's important and use it to an advantage.

Take the risk anyway. With no expectations. At worse you can look at it and think that's interesting learnt a lot.

I immediately thought of this ted talk reading your op.

Also have a google for rejection sensitivity dysphoria (rsd) too. I have adhd and debilitating over sensitivity is one of my problems.

Mine is to not expect anything and I won't be disappointed.
Sure, try hard on a project, exam or piece of work. Put effort into relationships because you enjoy their company etc.
But don't expect the end result to be exactly how you want it cos life just isn't like that.

If it works out how you want it then happy days.

I don’t think it’s normal or even desirable to live life without disappointments! It means you care and you invest yourself in things.

Look for the positive in it.

You give up volunteering so you have more time for other things.

The restructure hasn’t impacted you negatively.

The child moving schools is something your child won’t remember in future, what might it mean in terms of building other friendships

etx.

Life has its disappointments, you can’t control that, you can control how you react to them though.

Also practice gratitude and claiming recognition/ build your own brand.

eg One friend moves away … but six more are still local.

A restructure doesn’t lead to a promotion but at least you weren’t made redundant

You volunteered and it didn’t lead to a direct benefit but you made sure boss X knows what a great job you did and your profile took an extra notch up. And if it wasn’t noticed then you are being mugged off, make sure you advertise your efforts at work

This is a nice way of looking at things. I do care (maybe sometimes wish I cared less!). And I do get over the disappointment generally but do kind of wish I didn’t feel it in the first place. I do find it hard to accept the complete lack of control of many aspects of life especially when there are other people involved and how their decisions impact upon me.

Disappointment is an important part of life; navigating it builds resilience and good mental health.

The trick is to not let it overwhelm you, to acknowledge it, accept it’s an appropriate response to the situation, and move on. If there are lessons in why you didn’t get what you wanted, look for them, but don’t dwell on the disappointment for long.

”Today I’m going to wallow and mope and eat ice cream with rom coms and cry. Tomorrow I move forward.”