My mother died recently of cancer, and my father is reluctant to release her ashes.
He's a nasty person. He has left her ashes on the kitchen table in a pointed way because I won't visit, and refuses to deliver them (according to my brother, who has been given a small portion).
He cheated on and belittled her throughout their marriage, at least the last 15 years, and without regard to her terminal diagnosis. She hated him. He said she was exaggerating her pain while she was dying, if that gives a taste of the person he is. He was like this throughout the last years of her life. I have to visit him to have any chance of obtaining some portion of her ashes. He was horrible about the funeral and angry about me choosing popular music to fit the very short ceremony, because he's a snob.
My mother had massive flaws and maybe didn't love me as I'd have liked (openly jealous and didn't protect me from nasty father). She didn't deserve the end she had, with no one but him around. I feel terribly guilty for not being there for her (I wasn't told she was actively dying).
Not sure what my question is. Is it worth putting in so much effort to scatter ashes when my Mum probably wouldn't have cared? Grateful for views from anyone with a similarly difficult family.