Would you stay in a marriage

[Scootsville]

DH and I married 12 years, together 15.

Two DC, 8 and 6. Life can be stressful, we are a mostly, or wholly, ND family. But day-to-day life is fairly happy.

I don’t see us being happy together forever. We went away for a night together recently and struggled for things to talk about. I like to talk a lot and DH has gotten more and more quiet over the years - or perhaps I’m just more aware. I used to find him hilarious, he rarely makes me laugh these days. It’s made me a bit sad to think of our life after the DC have flown the nest.

I find him embarrassing because he’s so anti social (could be because he’s ND) and is always on his phone, looking down avoiding people when I prefer to make small talk (for example at the school gates, at kids’ activities). I’m not saying I’m right and he’s wrong, but I don’t like this about him. We don’t socialise much together or as a family with the DC, I know he finds it awkward when we socialise with my friends and family so I prefer not to (also the opportunities aren’t that frequent now we all have DC).

He’s also extremely unadventurous. I’m hardly Bear Grylls but anything remotely out of his comfort zone he bristles at. Again could well be because he’s ND, but again, I find this really unappealing.

We are comfortable financially, we have a lovely house. We will both be at a disadvantage financially if we separate. He is a great dad for the most part, a bit grumpy with the DC which again I find really unappealing but overall he is great with them and they are arguably closer to him than to me. I worry what divorce would mean for our relationship with DC as they grow - I always pictured having them be close to us as adults but I don’t see that happening if we were to separate.

We bicker a lot because we are both over sensitive, I’m very blunt and he is extremely frustrating (he admits this). I think our communication is very poor, and he can’t bear to hear anything negative. He always apologises after the event, but at the time it’s impossible to give him even the tiniest bit of criticism.

I would stay in whilst we tried to find ways to improve it. Nothing listed there sounds insurmountable. It depends whether you are both willing to work on yourselves and your marriage.

Do you still love him?

I’d give it a bloody good go at staying married, yes. What efforts are you both making? You can acknowledge you have less to talk about and accept it or try and find new common interests. Do you fancy him and have sex? Do you each have interests you can talk about and properly listen to each other? Lots of couples find things can get a bit crap but surely it’s worth doing what you can to improve things before chucking in the towel.

I wouldn't consider staying personally. Life is short.

Rarely have sex. I can’t be bothered to be honest.

I don’t even know if I love him. The thought of separating makes me sad, but equally I think life is too short.