Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Giving DS money to go to the fair (conflicting opinions edition!)

28 replies

rumhamm · 08/05/2024 14:13

The fair is in town this week (well, for 3 days) It comes once a year and is a highly anticipated event for teenagers.

My son has been experiencing emotional based school avoidance since half way through year 7. His attendance has been good between starting year 8 and Easter, but had dipped drastically since then. I’m working with the school to put some support in place for him (he's dyslexic and suspected adhd - poor processing skills and finds school totally overwhelming and confusing)

I was originally going to give him £30 for the fair if he went in yesterday and today. He only went in today. I suggested just giving him half the money, my partner thinks he should get nothing for not going in yesterday.

He also has £20 of his own money he could use, but partner also thinks he shouldn't have access to this for the fair.

Partners mum also gave us £20 for him to go to the fair, but partner said he can't have it (dc doesn't know this)

I feel torn now, and I feel him having any money is going to cause a row.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
jannier · 08/05/2024 19:07

Own your error....I'm sorry son I gave you a target that was not realistic and you would struggle to meet it that was unfair of me I'm proud of you for making it in on xxxx..I think you should still go to the fair and a reasonable budget would be £

Lindy2 · 08/05/2024 19:20

My DD is autistic and has ADHD. School attendance has been a nightmare. Her mental health is very poor.

What I have learnt, mostly the hard way, is that rewards or consequences simply don't work. If she can't cope with school that day, she simply can't cope with school. It's not a choice. I had to stop with incentives. They made things worse.

We've had some very low points where DD wouldn't leave her bed let alone the house.

We now encourage any social event she can manage (there aren't many) and any time she can manage in school. Whatever she can do we support and encourage. We don't reward or sanction.

Your son did a day in school. He tried. Your DH clearly doesn't understand his difficulties at all.

Give him what you promised for trying. Also, the other money he was given was gifted without condition. Why on earth should your DH try to take someone else's gift away.

Encourage your son to keep his friendships going and go out to events. It's very easy as a neuro diverse teen to struggle to keep friends and to loose the confidence to go out.

EBSA doesn't just go away. I'm afraid things could be quite rocky over the next few years. Support your son to do what he can. It's heartbreaking when the friends are no longer there and you can't get your child to take part in anything anymore.

TokyoSushi · 08/05/2024 19:28

Lindy2 · 08/05/2024 19:20

My DD is autistic and has ADHD. School attendance has been a nightmare. Her mental health is very poor.

What I have learnt, mostly the hard way, is that rewards or consequences simply don't work. If she can't cope with school that day, she simply can't cope with school. It's not a choice. I had to stop with incentives. They made things worse.

We've had some very low points where DD wouldn't leave her bed let alone the house.

We now encourage any social event she can manage (there aren't many) and any time she can manage in school. Whatever she can do we support and encourage. We don't reward or sanction.

Your son did a day in school. He tried. Your DH clearly doesn't understand his difficulties at all.

Give him what you promised for trying. Also, the other money he was given was gifted without condition. Why on earth should your DH try to take someone else's gift away.

Encourage your son to keep his friendships going and go out to events. It's very easy as a neuro diverse teen to struggle to keep friends and to loose the confidence to go out.

EBSA doesn't just go away. I'm afraid things could be quite rocky over the next few years. Support your son to do what he can. It's heartbreaking when the friends are no longer there and you can't get your child to take part in anything anymore.

This is a lovely post, completely agree.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page