3rd child heartbreak

[Overthinking123]

So short story, we have two amazing kids and had planned a third. I suffer from HG and got pregnant with our third but after catching covid by body started to shut down and I was very poorly, we had to make a decision not to continue the pregnancy as it wasn’t guaranteed I would survive the pregnancy or have some lasting damage.

We have a care plan in place, spoken to multiple consultants who all think another pregnancy would be doable (still rough with HG but manageable).

I was pregnant a few months ago with ended in early miscarriage but I was surprisingly calm. We are talking about ttc again and I’m so torn as I seem to be stressing / feeling sick / really anxious.

I just want to say no more I can’t do it but I know deep down I really want to complete my family and worried im going to regret it. We made a decision not to ttc for a year while I looked after my mental health and I cried every month / gained a stone in weight as I was so sad not have my final baby.

I also worry about giving my kids all the right attention as I come from a large family where I felt forgotten (typical middle child).

I feel so messed up on the head my anxiety is spiralling…..

Sorry for your previous loss and hope you are feeling better.

I would give yourself a break for a while and let yourself relax and process/recover from the losses and illness you have went through. Set yourself a few months or whatever it takes and have a breather then come back to it and see how you feel?

I have three children, each two years apart and in my own experience it is hard,, really hard some days and I do feel guilty that they each don't get enough time from me 😔 but I love them all and wouldn't change it, but it's hard. They are all teens/pre teens now and I swear it's getting harder! But go with your heart and what your body and health can take. But I really recommend you have a break for a while. Good luck

Just a small message as I recognise much of your story and feelings. I've also been in the situation where the 3rd child just didn't seem possible for us: several miscarriages in a two year time period. Had given up almost completely and stopped trying for a while. I found it was extra difficult as it felt that I was almost not allowed to be sad over this ("but you have 2 healthy children" etc). I did struggle with this a lot. Thankfully, after a very difficult period, I managed to get pregnant eventually - there is quite a big age gap between nrs 1/2 and nr 3 that I sometimes get questions about. But I can see now that they're really drawing towards each other regardless.

Honest opinion I would keep with the two, for the sake of your own health xx

@LakeTiticaca logically I agree, but I felt depressed for a year. I was so excited at the idea of ttc again but now we are at crunch point i am so nervous. How do I get rid of the feeling of not being complete, not having the family I pictured. Logically it’s so easy to say you are right but my heart doesn’t agree. I long for my baby and I worry im going to regret it for the rest of my life (which I think i will)

This may or may not be helpful to you as our situations are very different however here goes. I’m currently 37+4 and messaging from my hospital bed on antenatal ward patiently ( or not) waiting for an elective section on Monday.

my first baby died at birth due to negligence, my second baby who is now 2 is the absolute love of my life. The pregnancy was fraught with worry and I had a traumatic pregnancy and birth however he was worth it, much like you I longed for my final baby and debated back and forth for so long About etc a third. I was worried about my health and getting through another pregnancy and the affect on my son however I went back and forth for so long I knew I wouldn’t put it to bed unless we tried. Me and my husband agreed to try and if it happened we would take it a day at a time and should the worse happen we would stop and know we did all we could.

in short the end is in sight and hoping to bring my last baby into the world on Monday, it’s been a long and anxious slog but I’ve received excellent t care and where I’ve felt I have needed extra monitoring etc they have always obliged.

I understand totally your dilemma and feelings and hope you reach a decision you are comfortable with one way or the other ❤️

Oh I wish you all the best for Monday I’m so happy you are completing your family and so incredibly sorry about your first baby! I understand, if the hospital and consultants had been better I’m pretty sure we would have a 3rd baby right now here. I did put in a complaint and some procedures have changed so I’m happy I’ve made an impact on others for the future regardless.

I know I’m emotional as all I want to do if cry in happiness for you. Hopefully the food isn’t awful and you are getting some rest!