I just feel a bit sad

[Mumom]

I have a 2.5yo and 5month old. Since my 2nd pregnancy/birth I just feel down I don’t want to do anything and I put off seeing people

i am so exhausted

my partner works long hours so I’m on my own a lot with the kids it’s a bit easier now but it’s been a tough balancing act I feel so stretched out and stressed a lot

me and my fiance need to work on our relationship but I don’t trust people with the kids really. Just my mum but she struggles with the 2 of them so can’t have them (because it’s quite tiring and she’s nearly 60, my dad is over 60)

so yeah just feel in a rut. A bit sad. My kids are so amazing. They’re happy and healthy and the light of my life they’re what I live and breathe I constantly try to be the best mum for them and always worry if I’m doing a good job

but I do just wish me and my fiance (he is their dad also) were back to us a bit. I don’t also know why I’m avoiding people and just want to do nothing (but don’t ever do this I’m always out with the kids)

Have you got anyone you can speak to? Health visitor, gp, an old friend you can reach out to?

You sound like you may have post-partum depression op. Please seek help from your gp or health visitor. And don’t be fobbed off. Take a friend or family member with you so they take it seriously. 💐

Im scared to tell a health professional because what if they think im not a good mum im not saying struggling makes you bad i just mean what if they think I can’t cope with my kids

i can definitely cope I just feel a bit down

But you are coping, so they have no reason to think that. PPD is pretty common. For what it’s worth, I had PPP and no one ever suggested removing my baby, as I was caring for him perfectly competently.

If you seek support for your mental health they won’t think you are not coping with childcare

Can you carve out sometime once a week to do something for yourself? A yoga class, meeting a friend for a coffee, a nice long walk listening to a positive podcast etc. Something that gets you out of your own head and is a great stress reliever.

Can you and your partner set up a at home date night once a week once the kids are in bed? Make it a regular thing that is scheduled in.

Could your mum possibly take one of them for an overnight?Maybe which ever one doesn't sleep? And allow yourself and your partner to have a date night at home when the other goes to sleep?

Or alternatively if the 2.5year goes to a nursery or any type of childcare your mum take the 5 month old and allow you and your partner lunch together ?

My partner and I meet on pay Friday at lunch time from work and have lunch,it's only a short window but we enjoy it and are making our way through the menu rightly lol

3yo and 6mo here. I hear you OP.

I found the baby very clingy a few weeks ago. There is a leap leading to the 6mo mark.
It's eased now and I get a little bit of time free in the evening. The light is around the corner for you!

Maybe ask your parents to take one child now and then. It's easier with just one and the one-to-one attention can help keep the kids settled too.

Solidarity with you: it's hard and lonely and worse when you can't see a solution.

They're both very young and need a lot of attention. You need support.
You say you don't trust others. Is there a specific reason for this?
When you go out with the kids, are you meeting others or are just by yourselves?
Have you told your dh how you feel?
Ask him to help come up with some ideas on how to give you some time to rest, relax and reenergise and how the two of you could spend some time together.

Sometimes just sitting together talking or watching something cuddled on the sofa can be enough to keep you connected.
(I hate the word cuddled but I'm describing sitting together with actual physical connection, which is important and easy to forget)

OP cut yourself some slack, this is a really hard stage. No one will judge you as not coping if you reach out for help with your mental health.

The trust witb my fiances mum is she doesn’t know much about babies not being mean and she does have grandkids. But the other day she tried to give my toddler a whole grape not cut didn’t get choking risk. I got so scared and also my toddler isn’t too close to her he sees her every other week and sometimes cries when going into her house to visit. He isn’t comfy there at all

my side are fantastic my mum and dad are but they do overfeed (they did with me I had weight problems as a kid) and don’t like do much activities they’d rather sit in. So it’s not a safety concern just a parental preference I tend to offer my toddler raisins / fruit before we offer snacks like biscuits etc but he doesn’t really have biscuits or chocolate except when he sees my mum as she begs me to let her give him a little. And I like to get out and not just sit in. So regarding my side it’s not about trust really as they’re perfectly safe my mum and dad know choking hazards how to present food safe sleep etc

im ebf which I think has affected me as I haven’t been able to leave my youngest. I do want to switch to bottles and try to get some freedom

At home date nights sound great :) I do think this is for more when our evenings are more settled at th moment when both kids are down and settled it’s around 8.30/9 and we just sit shattered :(

Sounds like you are missing your friends and your older self. Hard to get in touch with that joyful silly side without seeing friends in my experience. Can you spend time with friends?

@coastalhawk ueah I could my friends are lovely but none of them have kids and they suggest doing things like lunch coffee etc which is near impossible with my toddler and sometimes I think people just want to see a funny toddler and cute newborn! I feel like they don’t want to make plans with me alone

Hi @Mumom - I'm surprised to hear you say that you think people might want to see your children more than you! What makes you say that?