Individual spending money in a relationship (amounts included)

[bearbit]

Person A:
income £887.20
bills £416.01
leftover £471.19

Person B:
income £2818.78
bills £1793.26
leftover £1025.52

The above is the situation in my household, married with 2 children. No official joint finances, e.g. 1 on the mortgage, separate bank accounts etc.

Person A does top up food shops throughout the week from their leftover amount, Person B does the weekly big shop which is included as part of their bills (approx. £550pm total).

How should the leftover spend be split when Person A pays towards food from their leftover amount? And how much would be reasonable to save from what's leftover each month?

It’s very important, is person a working part time to take care of the children?

Op hasn't answered the previous question re how many hours she works and what the reasoning for that is, and why the 10k salary is possibly as low as it is. There must be reasons. She has so far refused to answer many posts questioning this.

Apologies I didn't see many posts asking me this. I did however state that I'm Person B and work full time.

DH is medically retired.

My household:

Person A brings home : £500 a month.

Person B brings home : £3500 a month.

Total income is £4000 a month and it all goes into the same pot.

Person A’s personal spends : £400 a month

Person B’s personal spends : £400 a month.

We are a family so all money is shared regardless of who brings what in. We are both equals and nobody is “deserving” of more family money than the other.

This makes me feel so much better. I posted on a thread recently that that's how DH and I do our finances and was SLAMMED. Honestly it's working well for us so wasn't about to change it but the strength of feeling that my household was somehow operating in a totally different way to the norm was quite eye opening.

As others have said it's a team thing.
All Poole and share our.

Husband and I have our own accounts and both work on relatively equal wages. We pretty much share things 50/50 with anything left over when we've paid the rent and the bills for us to spend on what we like. Although that's not a lot!!
Works well for us.

@rainbowduplo It's weird how different threads about the same thing can be poles apart! Thankfully this one is talking sense.

We even shared finances before kids and marriage. Once we were serious. I just can't imagine being with someone who has thousands left to spend and I have nothing (or vice versa), or have to keep asking for money for kids etc. It would be total resentment and feeling unequal

It’s only “fair” if everyone gets the same amount of disposable income at the end. Total EVERYTHING up (including savings) then /2 and see who needs to transfer what.

This. Both should have the same pocket money each month to spend/save on whatever they like.

Get a joint account. All bills, food to come from this. Income to be paid into this proportionately to income. Any spare money can be put into a joint savings account again proportionately to income. Then the left over is the "fun money" or "individual savings money". I know everyone says it's joint money but it does help to know that you have an independent pot you can spend on whatever you want no judgement/escape fund

Ah ok I did wonder why person A wasn't working more.

If you redid the numbers and had leftover after food, payments to each other and savings - what would you actually have?
And then on a longer term basis I assume you are covering unforseen expenses and one offs?

Who does the childcare? If you're splitting things and he does the childcare, that's half your cost, are you paying him half the value?

When married I think all finances should be shared. All bills paid, and a pot set up for:

Food/petrol/day to day household items

Savings (eg joint holidays, emergency fund, new car, new household items, gifts, annual bills)

Children’s expenses (eg clothing, hobbies, childcare, education, toys, gifts)

Everything else split 50/50 between the two adults (own clothes, own holidays/days out, anything else they ends to buy, split the cost of any family meals/days out)

I’m so glad I don’t have joint finances and have to be given “pocket money” each month from the pool of money and can’t have an extravagant month if I feel like it. I’m happy to contribute 50% of bills, but I don’t feel entitled to another person’s salary and never want to lose my financial independence.

Each to their own, I guess.

I think that’s easy to say when you are fit, healthy and able to build you own wealth. In this eg Person A is medically retired.

We are not married but been together 13yrs. I pay in £600pm towards bills (no mortgage). Everything in dps name, he takes a chunk of our input to put in joint savings. We also have individual savings.
I love that I essentially pay dig money and don't have to worry about things not being paid as he is super organised and thrifty.
We have mirror wills made.
I had a bad relationship before and I had to budget everything, it was horrible.
It's so freeing and I love it
This works for us
I hope you have your own savings xx

OP, you are married. Pool your finances and split the leftovers. Legally it is all joint between you both anyway, it doesn't matter who earned what.

Look. We've all got seriously off topic here. The use of the word spends. We need to get rid of this from public discourse. Childish nonsense.

I never knew that!

I do understand your perspective, and I think that's fine in roughly equal financial circumstances before you're married or in a civil partnership. If you are married or in a cp, then it's all joint regardless. Sometimes circumstances don't reflect our idealism though. I started off where you are in my previous marriage, then when I had my child, ex-H wanted to keep it the same, he saw his money as his, even though I was working part time and doing the majority of childcare. He was an arsehole.

In my partnership now, it's all shared. All family money, between us and DC/step DC. We still have extravagant months, it's not like we have to ok a spend with each other and neither of us care as long as the bills are sorted, we just agreed a rough amount each month for regular daily expenditure for each of us. Just because it's shared doesn't mean it's restricted. And I would support my DP through anything because I trust he would do the same for me.

Sorry op but this is giving me a headache. It’s meaningless to give figures followed with a load of ands and buts. Just work out who actually pays for what and when it’s all on paper go from there.

OP the location and amount of money isn't important, you have to be in agreement with household spends and free money.

With a spender and saver you need to work out a household budget and stick to it! Why is person A spending 'a lot in the shops' for example?

Free spends should be similar, slightly higher for the higher earner but only if the lower earner pulls their weight. Your DH is 'medically retires' but still has an income so he does work? Just not in his old job?

How much to save depends on your desires lifestyle, pension etc we can't calculate all that for you.

We pay all except £100 each into joint savings and spending, every month.