Dd is getting in a real state about GCSEs. Any words of wisdom?

[0tterish]

She is revising lots, but she's just come to me crying because her first one is on Friday and she keeps getting lower than she wants in her practice papers.

I HATE seeing her put all this pressure on herself.

I don't know what to say to her other than that she can only do her best.

That wasn't the right thing to say though

Bump help!

Tell her you love her. Tell her you know she’s tried her best. Tell her that you understand she feels overwhelmed.

I would probably let her get into a state and just be there. Sometimes offering solutions can be seen as an irritation. I’d just make sure there is rest time, outside time, and good food.

I feel for you both.

All of the above. But also remind her that the exams are not trying to catch her out. Remind her to answer all the questions she can first before going back to ponder the ones she finds more difficult. Remind her to breathe deeply and to make sure she has working materials like pens so that she is not scuppered by something avoidable.

And hugs to you all. It's an awful time. I am an exam invigilator so we frequently see complete meltdowns and kids have anxiety and panic attacks. Good food, as much proper rest she can get and approaching the actual papers strategically will help.

And something great to look forward to when it's over.

Might move this post to secondary school board? Loads of parents there going through similar.

Panic makes everything harder.

The exams are important but are not worth getting distressed about.

If she doesn't do as well as she hopes she will still have options

Sleep, rest, food and friends are also important.

All of the above. Be an emotionally regulated, calm, quiet presence to dissipate her charged state. You are probably doing that by instinct anyway. Don't over-analyse what comes out of her mouth, she hasn't got much of her brain spare for thinking about other people's feelings at the moment.

I reassured mine that she had already put the work in and she was 90% there. She's not at the start of her GCSEs, she's near the end.

Most of their learning happens in class and in homework. If they have done all that, revision is just the cherry on top. Mainly though it's a question of emotionally regulating her, not getting drawn into overthinking and feeding the agonised spirals of "what if".

Are there one or two subjects she particularly needs for her next steps? Could you invest in one or two sessions with a tutor for those subjects if there are particular things she is struggling with?

Otherwise, I would keep reassuring her that she is trying her best and that is what is important, and that she can't know what will happen on the day until she goes into the exam.

I do think there is a bit of a difference between e.g. wanting 5s and getting 3s, and wanting 9s and getting 7s, though. If getting the grade is the difference between her e.g. getting the college course she wants and not, I would try to pull out all the stops to help her.

Oh and sleep, sleep, sleep, and plenty of food.

I have a daughter about to do hers too , she has never been a school fan, thankfully she doesn't seem to bothered about the exams yet.
I wish they could see into the future and realise that their future is so much more than these exams and that they have so many opportunities to come .
I absolutely hate a system that has the ability to cause so much stress for kids at one of their most difficult ages .
I will be so relieved when its all over , sending my thoughts to your daughter.

It is a marathon not a sprint so prepare yourself for the coming weeks! She can change very little now, but panic will not help her in the exams. Take each one as they come, roll with any attitude or emotions. Make sure she takes breaks and have treats to hand. You can do no more than be a calm supportive presence. It is a very very long slog.

I would go with a tutor to settle her before exams and tell her that no matter whst you love her snd life is good.

From DD who has (thankfully!) been through it all - they are important, but nowhere near as much as it feels right now. They are simply a stepping stone to college and it is most definitely not the end of the world if a few don’t go the way that she wants. Exams can always be repeated and there’s always a different route to whatever path she wants to take next if need be

Oh thanks so much everyone. Lots of wise words!
Especially regarding being nearly there and having done 90% of it now.

I am remaining calm. I am worried that she's not eating enough due to anxiety
But I think she sleeps enough and is also going for jogs!? So I guess that's good

that's a good point @Postapocalypticcowgirl . I'm assuming from the OP it's mainly anxiety rather than missing material.

Tell her how many times on your life you have been asked how many GCSEs you got.

Yes she has revised loads.

My other dd is doing a levels and seems to be doing nothing! She's much more relaxed and happy and I'd rather that honestly than all this stress

What subjects are causing DD to worry? It’s not too late to source a private tutor, DS1 said to me at Easter, a few years back, mum I don’t think I will pass higher paper GCSE Maths, (he was relying on this for his college course) we got a private tutor, it gave him confidence, and he did pass. Good luck

But the exams are now!

She's worried about biology at the moment and it's four days away. Then they all start, she has 23 exams

If she is not eating properly (I stop eating as well when anxious) then try and get a chocolate ice cream milkshake down her with vitamin powders in it like complan or similar. Nutrients and calories, no matter what form that takes.

Sometimes I don't eat for weeks and need supplemental shakes.

This kind of comment doesn't help, I've tried! I think her friends are the same and they make each other worse

I empathise!

I tried to tell DD that she's nearly there, it'll soon be over. But that stressed her even more because it reminded her how little time she has to revise.

So we're now taking it one day at a time. She's got a plan. She's talking with her teachers and asking questions.

She's definitely not sleeping enough, but I'm getting good food into her, plying her with chilled drinks, movie sessions over the weekend, impromptu walks when the weather clears etc.

We chat in the car on the way to and from school. Sometimes it's school chat, sometimes it's random nonsense. I'm confident she feels she can talk to me when she needs me and I will listen. I tell her I'm proud of her.

We sometimes just lay on the bed and hug. She knows I'm her biggest fan and always will be.

What is she going on to and what results does she need? Have you looked into a backup plan? It might help her to put it into perspective. It is a bit harder if she is specifically set on being a vet or doctor etc, where she has to get a certain grade/number.

For example , DD needs 5 including English and Maths to get onto her Level 3 Diploma course. There is a strong chance that she might not get English Language or Literature. Her College have said that they will accept either English. They have said that she can resit 1 exam, so 1 English, alongside her course.

If she did abysmally, there is a Level 2 Diploma course that will accept 3 GCSE's. After that, she can then go on to the Level 3 course. It would mean 3 years at College, but she would get where she wants ultimately.

So if your DD knows all the options and has a good back up plan, would that help her to not panic as much?

Another thing for your DD to remember, is that the school bang on about them so much because the results affect them, their league tables etc. The schools don't actually care about the individual students. It's just a conveyor belt to them. They pile all the pressure on the Y11's, then move on to Y10's.

She has already been accepted to do a levels. It's ridiculous because she is worried about getting any grade under a 7 because she wants to go to a 'top uni' her words. I don't even know where she gets these ideas in her head because abuse it isn't coming from me.

Not abuse, don't know how that snuck in.
She wants to go to a Russell group uni

She wants to do economics