Anxious about flying

[onetothetwotothethreetothefour]

We are lucky enough to be taking the DC abroad in a few weeks time.

It makes my legs turn to jelly and I have sweaty palms. I have done both long and short haul in the past and I have to grit my teeth through the whole thing. I try and hide it from the kids. We are only doing a 2.5 hour flight this time.

I am anxious 3/4 days before we go and 3 days before we head home which ruins some of the holiday for me. It comes out in anxiety about the packing and DS's eating (he can be fussy). I don't sleep well either so it's all a bit of an endurance sometimes.

I want this trip to be different. I don't think the docs hand out drugs for it anymore and I don't want to have a glass of wine either as it gives me a headache.

Any tips? I feel like I'm not much fun for DH at times as I'm constantly trying to keep a lid on it. Just have to 'fake it 'til you make it' 😀

My DH hates flying. I love it. I say to him “you’ve got more chance of being killed on the way to Tesco with me driving”. What is your fear? Is it the claustrophobia and panic when they close the doors of the aircraft? Is it being up so high?

I have felt claustrophobic in certain other situations in the past but it's the vunerability of being so far up in the air so take off is the hardest part. I get jelly legs if I'm somewhere high up.

It's literally like an endurance test. I get DH to sit with the kids and I go on an aisle seat near them.

Yes an aisle seat is best. It’s not so closed in and you can watch what’s going on around you. I think you need to try some very deep breathing and concentrate on a book.

Sorry, nothing very helpful other than what you already likely know - it is beyond question the safest way to travel; accidents are extremely rare but of all the accidents in the past 10 years - the survival rate is OVER 90%, airlines were lax but recent events have made them super cautious so safer now than in the past 10 years, accidents are almost exclusively in the first 15 minutes, etc.
I wish you good luck as I know fear is real and it can be very difficult especially when your rational side knows there is little to truly fear but the fear is there none-the-less!

Ugh I'm not as bad as that but even though I've flown loads I hate it. This summer I'm going to Spain separately to my kids which freaks me out. I'm stressed out about my flying and stressed out about them flying without me (they are old enough, 18 and 20 - I did my first solo flight at 14 - and will have to organise getting themselves to the airport from two different locations).
I even knew a pilot and he'd reassure me but the older I get the more anxious I get about it.

I don't like flying, but I can't really explain why. I'm not afraid that it will crash, I'm not claustraphobic. I suspect its a long fear of travel sickness, dating from school trips on old coaches nearly sixty (!) years ago. I have been sick on a plane, once, about thirtys years ago, never since. I take Avomine, and I know its a psychological crutch. Regardless, before any flight, I find I'm dreading it, as a result, I never enjoy flying. At best, its just tolerable, at worse, I feel rotten for the whole duration. I really sympathise.

Regarding fussy eaters, just don’t worry. It really won’t harm them to just eat the same thing for 1-2 weeks.

Ds is a super fussy eater. There’s no way he will eat most stuff served on planes, at airports or in many restaurants. Take enough snacks to see you through the travel incase they don’t find anything.

read kindle on plane, it’s a distraction

I am like you OP and I find watching flight radar a bit in the run up to a flight helpful ! So many planes taking off and landing safely

I'm exactly the same- I hate flying with a passion, even though I'm a regular flyer, I still can't get over my fear.
I always mention to the cabin crew as I board that I'm a very nervous flyer, & also ask them what the weather conditions are like & if they're expecting any turbulence. We did a long haul flight last summer with BA & they were great, they took me to meet the pilot & the pilot also came to see me mid flight to check that I was ok, they were fantastic- my son is having flying lessons & they let us into the cockpit at the end of the flight so he was over the moon with that! I've got the BA fear of flying book which also helps. Good luck!

@onetothetwotothethreetothefour I recommend you look up Lovefly. There is a podcast and I think also a FB page.
I'm not a happy flyer but being plugged into the podcast for a couple of days and during a flight recently, really helped me. They go over a lot of the issues that worry nervous flyers.

I don't like it either and I have to do it all the bloody time. I had got a handle on the fear pre-kids but now the added stress of managing small kids along with my own emotions has made it much harder. Holding sleeping and breastfeeding babies on 11 hour flights while trying not to freak out - arrrrggghhh.

I've had so much "exposure therapy" now lol that 2.5 hours wouldn't bother me much, but you have my sympathy.

I have two glasses of wine as close to the start of the flight as possible and fuck the headache (I'll get one anyway.) Water and take painkillers before you get on.

An anti-histamine that makes me sleepy (cetirizine in my case) or valerian tablets (holland and barrel) chill me out and help me doze where possible.

Google Therabody goggles - bought on impulse in an airport, they hook up to your phone for music and chill-out sounds and monitor your heartbeat and use heat and vibration to relax you, they're bloody amazing.

I actually find sitting by the window helps me because if the motion of the plane changes it's often from turning or whatever and I can see why, and I feel less trapped. Also beautiful views. But might not work for you. I also like to watch the flight info screen where available so I can see we're not losing altitude, stupid but it helps me. Might not have that on a short flight though.

And I buy absorbing books and read them furiously.

@onetothetwotothethreetothefour from 0 to 10 what would you say the intensity of the anxiety is?

Probably about 8. I get sweaty palms, dry mouth, hands shaking a bit and weak legs. I have to shut my eyes!

Sometimes the simple stuff helps. My friend was cabin crew for BA earlier in life. She used to talk me down...
"what do you imagine the pilot had for breakfast? Did they kiss their kids before they left? Do you think they want to get home to their family? If anything happens up there are you going to be able to help? Is you worrying and getting stressed going to help? Or do you think it would be better to be sure of where your primary and secondary exits are? Count the seat backs, be ready. Worrying stops you being safe. Everyone on the plane wants to get home - the pilot, and at least one other know how to make that happen"

Her calm continous babble really soothed me and now I can just think "of course the pilot will do everything in their power to get home to their kids" "me worrying won't keep the plane in the air"

That’s a great way to look at it. Thank you.

I’m the same! I always vow to tell the cabin crew, but I never seem to get the opportunity. And I’m embarrassed to say it in front of strangers. I’m doing a 3.5 hour flight in July and dreading it 🙁

I don't like flying. It's not the distance between the plane and the ground, it's the emptiness ABOVE that freaks me out.

Have you ever listened to the radio comedy Cabin Pressure? Apart from being superbly funny, it's also makes the notion of flying feel sort of "every day".

Hi, how did you manage with your flight OP? I hope everything went well 😊

Yes not too bad thank you.

Had one drink each way which helped a little. Still felt tense and literally counted the seconds to landing.

Flight Anxiety is a good account on Tik Tok.

Ah that's good you were able to manage