So worried about 50/50 custody

[Cd474747]

I have a 2 and 4 year old and I’m in a really unhappy marriage. Husband I think is depressed / is constantly irritable, negative, grumpy, passive aggressive. His best side is thankfully saved for the kids and he is better with them than me but even with them he gets overwhelmed when they cry / tantrum and is not good at dealing with their emotions…he will always escalate instead of descalate the situation.

he won’t acknowledge or take responsibility for his mental health and I’m sick of carrying all the effort and enthusiasm of the relationship. I find his negative attitude so draining and every single morning he complains of being tired and is miserable..constantly on his phone disengaged. I tried to talk to him but as he won’t make changes there’s no hope.

I’ve been unhappy for ages but scared to leave as the thought of 50/50 custody really scared me…I think this would be horrible for a child this young / probably any age and selfishly I couldn’t bear not to be there to put them to bed every night. 2 year old In particular is still very attached to me and doesn’t like being left with her dad even while we’re together. Both kids have said recently that ‘daddy isn’t kind’..I think they pick up on the fact that he isn’t happy. I would worry about him having them them on his own, I have to intervene daily when he loses his patience but if I wouldn’t be around this would really worry me.

he hasn’t mentioned 50/50 but I think he will …he’s very tight with money so I think he’ll go for this when he finds out it means no child support. I’d be happy to have no child support but them live woth me most the time and see him 1-2 times in the week and every other weekend / with flexibility for more …

just a rant really but if anyone else has been through this I’d really like to hear experiences? I’m wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut till they’re older so I get to stay with them but I’m finding it impossible to stay mentally healthy while with him, he spoils the weekends with his moods and sucks the joy out of the atmosphere

Refuse him 50/50 and let
him take you to court…raise
your concerns with cafcass (the court social workers) who will speak to your children and they will hopefully tell them the things about daddy being unkind etc. Please don’t be scared of court, I had to go a few years ago and they were great with me and my children. I just raised
my genuine concerns and they treated
me really well and could see I was just trying to protect my children. I didn’t use a solicitor, I just represented myself and it wasn’t an issue (take advantage of the 30 mins free with solicitors though to get some advice before going to court) see a few as I had one who was
a condescending cow. So long as
you're just genuinely trying to protect your children the courts will see that. Keep a diary of everything. Write it all down, it helps so much. I know leaving is hard, but do it for the best reason possible-your children’s happiness.

Tell him child maintenance is cheaper than 50/50 (not far off really) he will have to have a full bedroom for each with all the clothes, all the toys, dinners, lunches, school lunches, breakfast, school uniforms, wrap around care, daycare, birthday parties and presents. I think people hear child maintenance and think it’s expensive when really it’s cheaper than 50/50 often

otherwise the pp above is right start emailing yourself so it’s date stamped every piece of evidence and moment and fight