How do I say I don’t want this?

[foreverandeverisaverylongtime]

Slept with a guy once a few months ago. He’s v v good in bed, personality a bit shit. He said doesn’t want a relationship. Initially I was happy with that but now I’m not sure.

I lost my virginity that night, though he doesn’t know that.

Haven’t spoken in weeks then he texted the other at 1am asking if I could come round, I said no and then said I’d go round tonight. Said to go round about 11pm.

It’s literally just sex, cuddling for a bit and then off home. I’m feeling a bit shit, I’ve had a panic attack at the thought of going out and I don’t really want to do this tonight. I do and I don’t - I liked the sex part last time but the thought of being called on ‘come round late tonight’ just makes me feel like I’m being used.

How do I cancel? I said a few weeks ago I needed space to think and then he got in touch and stupidly I replied. I don’t know what
to do for the best.

Block his number? We don’t have anything in common so zero risk of bumping into him.

I was sa’d as a child which is why panic attacks.

Just don't go.

Definitely don't go. Just block him. You could tell him first that you won't be going round, if you like. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

I would just be honest and tell him that this situation isn't working for you and you want more. Just text him that and you will feel better. The right person will come along and they will make you feel happy and relaxed.

Just message him and tell him tonight's off - you don't need to give any further reasons, that's how you cancel. A quick text "Hi, can't make tonight now" is all you need to say, no apologies needed and no excuses. Block him after if you want / need to, to ensure you won't get any messages or feel the need to explain / change your mind etc.

Send a quick 'sorry can't make it anymore'. That's it, don't overthink it.

How I would handle it too, I always feel better when I've said what's on my mind rather than leaving a situation unfinished. Personal preference.

Would say something like

'Hey, I'm not coming over. Not feeling comfortable about it. Been thinking and actually keeping things casual isn't right for me so I think it's best we stop contacting one another.'

Can add a 'thanks anyway' or 'hope you understand', or take one of the phrases from the other replies here.

Essentially, you do what's right for you!

Do whatever feels right to you. You don't have to justify your feelings either.

If you feel like saying, "I've had a think and this situation isn't what good for me, it's not mentally or physically what I want, I just thought I'd let you know." then say that. If you do that then block him so he can't pop up again.

Or if you just want to say, sorry I'm not feeling great, or sorry can't make it, then do that - less can speak volumes and says it all about your interest - it's called going grey rock and it does make people lose interest when they realise they can't get a hit out of you.

The body gives us cues (I.e. anxiety) etc. and they are very important cues as to whether a situation or person is 'safe'.

Like PPs said, make space for the RIGHT person, don't let this person take up your space.

Absolutely don't go. You are worth far than this.

I'd personally block and not acknowledge. If you don't want to do that, then message first something along the lines of 'this arrangement doesn't suit me right now, but all the best' and then block.

Value yourself! You don't deserve this sort of treatment. You ARE WORTH MORE.

He is using you OP, he wants a middle of the night “booty call” if thats what you want then more power to you.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, which from the panic attacks and how you’re feeling… it is. Put your feeling first, he will be fine. Say you don’t want to do this anymore, or block him and never hear from him again. Look after yourself OP

Text "sorry, can't make it" then immediately block and delete. Don't have sex you don't want.

Don’t go, and actually don’t even bother telling him you’re not going. He just wants to use you for a quick shag - you’re worth far more than this dick.

Listen to your body, it’s telling you it’s in distress.

Don’t see this guy again. Wait for someone who will value you and treat you with respect.

Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. You have learned from this and you will take care of yourself better next time.

Please do some Googling around assertiveness and raising self esteem. You will grow in confidence in time and with a bit of polishing up of boundaries.