A long one here .
My marriage went through a difficult time 2 years ago. We have been married 15 years . Always been very happy and then my husband went through something quite traumatic. Now , as a side note, for a while i had known - deep down- that he had a problem with alcohol. it was never really a big issue and went unnoticed a bit as we have quite an active social life , wine with an evening meal … we regulary sat and shared a bottle of red but then it started becoming more for him . Anyway, after what he went through it got worse . i didnt know how to support him or reach him. we became like strangers and i know he was suffering. I am not proud of this but I became close to someone i worked with and boundaries were crossed . I didn’t physically cheat , but I almost kissed him . That point I realised it wasn’t what I wanted and it went too far and I love my husband so much . I told him and he was heartbroken . Our marriage was bad for a while and during that time we went out and he kissed a friend of mine .
This friend was also going through a really tough time and we had been helping her through that. I was there , we were all drinking at a bbq , there were lots of people there . We left and then I saw her message come up on his phone about it. She was asking him to come back . I didn’t mention it until the next day when he admitted it . He was crying , begging me to forgive him etc . He said he didn’t even know how it happened . He didn’t mention what I had done to him at that point but later on - in counselling - he admitted that he felt angry with me and hurt and he wanted to hurt me . I spoke to her , she was crying too and apologetic , said she had always wanted a relationship like mine and saw how much he adored me and thinks that in that moment - coupled along with how kind he had been to her - she crossed a line .
They both took everything I threw at them . She was completely turned on by everyone we knew ( we were in a big social group ) . She constantly messaged and called saying she missed me etc .
She has been through a lot. She’s a victim of repeated SA and DV . I have seen her offer herself to men on a plate and I think that comes from deep rooted issues , I believe she thinks she owes men sex if they are nice . No man has ever treaded her well and on the whole she is a kind and loving person.
Me and my husband went through marriage counselling. He faced his problems with alcohol and he has been sober now for almost 2 years - since that night . We are no longer really a part of that social circle due to not drinking . A few months after it happened , I felt better and I noticed that she was completely outcast - whilst my husband still had our marriage and no one really turned on him ( a few female friends of mine were a bit off with him but nothing major ) , I heard she was still torturing herself about it and I was still having messages from her . I was told she was on quite a downward spiral . I told mutual friends that I forgave her and if my husband was ok she was allowed to be too and I wanted her to be included again ( I did say we aren’t around much anyway and I wouldn’t want to be friends with her but I had no hate anymore ) I also contacted her and said the same . It was a tearful conversation because honestly I did value her as a friend and she was a lost soul I wanted to be there but I couldn’t continue the friendship. I felt like after that I had to choose and I chose my marriage .
Fast forward a year , she recently went through a very difficult time and reached out to me . I was there for her - not in person but over messages. She wanted to meet up but I said no . She now keeps messaging and I’m ok with it but she’s asked about my husband - how he is . I feel like that’s a step too far . Am I being silly here ? It just really got my back up . They were never close friends , she was my friend , I also think after what happened it’s not appropriate. I tried to be there and I think after they physically cheated I don’t owe that but I tried and I just feel like I want to really shout at her now ?! I’ve just ignored the message , it was a few weeks ago and she’s not messaged since then either