My 5 yo boy is still having wee accidents, what can I do? I'm at a complete loss
He was toilet trained on his third birthday as requested by nursery. We'd tried a bit earlier (2, 2.5) but he didn't seem to understand. At 3 it went alright but not as quickly as some friends. He still needed frequent reminding to go. We moved last year and when he started at his new school he had accidents almost every day, I reckon it was a big disruption to his schedule, he was overwhelmed, etc. But it's been a year now and it's still happening.
We've been to the GP and diabetes and water infection were checked for, all clear thankfully. He never has poo accidents and also stays dry overnight, always has, except for a handful of times in the past 2 years. I have tried to discern a pattern:
- He's not keen to wee somewhere that the toilets are not clean, so will hold it (he was recently at a new afterschool programme and didn't want to go, so when I collected him at the end of the day he had a wet spot and was beginning to leak from holding his wee for so long!) We've had a chat about this and encouraged him to go, to stand, or to ask an adult to help him/clean the toilet. He still refuses mostly?
- If he has a lot to drink or very watery food to eat - he loves watermelon and if he has a lot he'll be busting in the morning - this has been the reason for the handful of wees in the night (this happened just last night)
- He just doesn't seem that attuned to his body? Or perhaps gets quite involved in what he's doing and would rather keep playing than stop to go for a wee? If he's doing one of his favourite toys (like legos) he'll hold it until he's bursting and starting to leak through his trousers. I remind him to go and he refuses, saying he doesn't need to, but I can see he's starting to leak. I've tried leaving him alone (but that seems neglectful or abusive, I can't bear him sitting there in wee soaked clothing) or encouraging to go, offering to help him change, etc but that often turns to crying and screaming refusal. This seems to be the biggest issue and the hardest to solve
I don't know what to do. We sometimes have a few weeks with no accidents but then it starts happening again. I feel guilty saying it but I'm quite tired of washing all of the smelly trousers and pants. We've spoken to his teacher and his afterschool programme and asked them to remind him. He doesn't generally have accidents at school. I am aware that he is getting to an age where other children notice and will tease him for it. He's rather shy and I worry he's already a bit lonely, I would hate for this to make it worse. And he also seems too old for this to keep happening. Any ideas, advice, support, commiseration?