Times your child has totally embarrassed you/things that make you laugh years on

[Cadela]

Just thinking about DD’s first clear word. I’d dropped a cast iron stock pot lid on my foot a day before and shouted SHIT in pain. Of course Dd waited until she was having lunch with my mum and grandma (v religious and proper) and dropped her cheese sandwich off the high chair and proudly said “shit” in incredibly clear language. My mum tore me a new one for that 😂

Second was close to Christmas was Dd was about 3, and we were sleeping in my bed. I’d stupidly left scissors out on the side after wrapping presents and woke up to my long brown hair left on my pillow when I sat up. Lovely bald spot right on the back of my head. Dd thought it was hilarious, I can laugh now 5 years later (as it’s grown out)

Gas man was round to service the boiler. Asked to use the bathroom and went for his business.

My 1.5 yo (at the time) had recently learned how to open doors, and helpfully went to open the bathroom door WHILE THE GAS MAN WAS ON THE LOO.

He was nice about it but I nearly died 😂😂😂 (tbf he should really have locked the door)

Not me, but a work colleague (honest!).

She was in the supermarket with her DD (aged about 4 at the time, she's 17 now). DD disappeared from the aisle while colleague was putting stuff in the trolley, shortly afterwards a cry went up of "Mummy! I have your juice!" and lo her DD walked around the corner with a bottle of red wine in her hand whilst other shoppers attempted to stiffle their laughter.

I was with my ds 3 buying a parking ticket, we were waiting behind a man when my son asked him if he was a woman. 😲 the man to be fair was amazing, and said well last time I checked I was a man. I mean he had a full beard and mustache he was clearly a man. I said I am so sorry I don't know why he said that. The man just laughed it off.
We do still laugh about it now 12 years later.

I’m shortly going on a business trip to Riyadh. DC3 told his teachers that I’m going to rehab.

DD had speech therapy when she was little, before which she called chocolate 'cock' and crisps 'piss'.

A trip to the shops was always an adventure...

DD1 used to pronounce "quack" like "fuck". We had a book that included the line "the ducks in the pond are quack quack quacking".

We went to the park and there were ducks in the pond. DD runs around shouting "the ducks in the pond are fuck fuck fucking".

We went on the funicular to the Reichenbach Falls and at the top there was a woman in Niqab. Dd (3) shouted as loudly as humanly possible - ooh look mummy, there's a NINJA!

She also told her friend's mum, when invited round for tea, that she was a vegetarian, as she didn't fancy the spicy BBQ chicken legs. I was quite mortified that said mum would have been expected to be informed about this non-existent vegetarianism.

When she was about 2, I might have said "oh bollocks" when someone pulled into my planned parking space. Guess her new favourite word....

OMG, same! Going to the park to feed the ducks was fraught for at least two years...

My classic tale is the time my toddler managed to unlock my phone and FaceTime the plumber i'd just had round to do a quote. She then very helpfully toddled into the loo where I was sitting on the bog with my pants around my ankles. Awkward.

When I was three I apparently told any male I came across who did something I objected to or thought was 'naughty' that he was "a "prick".

This caused untold tellings off from my mother, whilst my teenage siblings thought it was hilarious (and encouraged me). All my life my mother's preferred insult for a man who upset her was - you guessed it - "you prick" . Especially a man who cut her up when driving or stole a parking space. She flatly denies this.

And French word for Sealion is Phoque. So maybe not embarrassing as such, but it was interesting times when she was learning about them at school. Ditto, Lippy Fanny. "We did Lippy Fanny at school and there was a cake and the winner got a special hat" I'm like 😱but it turned out to be L'epiphanie - as in Jan 6th.

Ds announced his newly appeared pubes when dining with my ils. I thought fil was literally going to die right there...

Oh jesus! 😱

On a very lovely sail on a yacht in Kefalonia with a young English chap in charge, my 7 yr old son had been rooting around in my rucksack . He came out on deck with a tampon in his hand, asking what it was. I'm not sure who was the most embarrassed!

In a car park and a man was struggling to get his toddler into his pushchair. He started slapping the child's legs, my child shouted very loudly and pointing, 'Mummy, why is that daddy so horrible, look, look what's doing, he's so horrible Mummy, he's hitting him!'

Cue everyone turning to stare at the man and the pushchair. He gave us the most furious glare.

To be fair though, my son was right, he wasn't very nice.

I took DS fruit picking with some other mums and their kids. He was about 3. He dropped his little punnet of strawberries and said ' for fucks sake!' really loudly😳

3 year-old DS pointed to a man standing next to us at the start of a very long queue in Disney Land and asked, ‘Mummy does that man have a baby in his tummy? Is that why he’s so fat?’

The man made no comment and we had to spend the whole of the next 45 mins standing next to him.

DS1 at 2 became obsessed with sprouts, only he called them balls. He saw some while shopping and began yelling about how nice his balls are and did mommy want to eat his balls etc, all at full volume of course.
Another time when out shopping with my DM there were non of his favourite crisps so his response was "OH BOLL-YUCKS NANNY" with arms thrown in the air for added dramatic effect.

As we settled into our seat on the bus DS suddenly decided to speak louder and more clearly than he ever had before
"Mum, you've got bum worms"

Cheers, Bluey.

My dd age 2 was colouring in a sheet after story time in the library and without looking up said ' when we go outside the lines with the crayon we don't say for fucks sake do we' I was breast feeding across the room and could only nod in embarrassment.

Youngest daughter told my mum I only hoover when the cat has fleas!!

While walking through a shop my 3 year old daughter declared loudly “look, that woman has blue hair?”

I later justified it to myself with the thought that if you choose to dye your hair blue then you are presumably looking for attention.

Ds used to love stick man but pronounced it dick man and always used to talk about it loudly out in public.

He also once went through a phase of calling everyone who looked over 25 old. He'd see a perfectly young man across the street and innocently say 'mummy look an old man'

He's 5 now and thankfully it's all stopped!

Was shopping with my son who was 2 ish, and a woman with dwarfism walked towards us, and he cried out, in absolutely delighted tones 'awwww look mama, there's a little one!'

She was not impressed. And I felt awful.

Ds1 was obsessed with opticians ships as a toddler. Had to avoid any route with them on as he would scream to go in and would have caused merry hell grabbing and throwing if his wish had ever come true. Only he couldn't pronounce the gl sound and I would just be dragging a small child away screaming arses arses! That got us a few disapproving looks.

Sitting on a busy bus with DD and we went past an Ann Summers. DD had recently learnt to read...

'Look mummy, that shop sells adult toys! You should get some adult toys to play with. Can we go and look at the adult toys? Can I get you an adult toy for your birthday? Mummy what are adult toys? How do you play with adult toys?'

i thought I was being very clever getting my two to play “rock, paper, scissors” to settle who’s turn it was for whatever. They misheard, and one had a speech delay - imagine my joy as they told my sister they needed to play “rock, pisser, scissors” to decide who went first.