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Birth and awful selfish husband

9 replies

Gettingbysomehow · 05/05/2024 10:31

DS was 41 yesterday, I was a very young mum 21 and we were talking about his birth and reminiscing about his baby days.
I realised I had still not got over it after all of this time and although we were laughing about it - I've been divorced for years and brought DS up on my own - I realised how awful the whole situation was.
I went into labour and off to the local hospital I went, I was absolutely terrified of giving birth and was in a lot of pain. H just stood around looking bored making the odd stupid comment like "is it painful". No use at all.
Then he went out to make a call. Came back and said Oh Janet is coming to stay over tonight, she has a conference tomorrow and needs somewhere to stay.
Janet was an old university friend, nothing between them. I said I'd go and pick her up and take her home.
I was thinking why can't Janet get a fucking taxi and a travelodge like a normal person, she knew I was giving birth.
Half an hour later he turned up with her!! I'm in the throes of labour at this point and in agony and could hardly speak.
Oh this is Janet she wanted to say hi and thanks for letting her stay over.
They stayed for half an hour making small talk before I finally got H on my own and hissed, get her the hell out of here. Bearing in mind I'd never even met this woman.
He said I'll have to take her back and show her where everything is make her some dinner and off they went.
Well he didn't come back that day and completely missed the birth of his child because looking after a friend was apparently more important.
Janet (not real name) if you are reading this fuck you.
And I divorced him soon after.
I'd love to hear other peoples awful husband birth stories to make me feel better.....or worse, not sure yet.

OP posts:
Hoglet70 · 05/05/2024 10:33

Mine flirted with the midwife all night and then went for a fag when I started to push because he was stressed.

Pigeonqueen · 05/05/2024 10:41

My dd is 21 now and I left her dad when she was 6 months old. I mean there are so many awful stories I could reel off about him but one of the most memorable parts of her birth (high risk, induced at 34 weeks, she didn’t breathe for several minutes) was that when she came out he told everyone how excited he was that she’d managed to make an appearance just before midnight to mean she’d been born on his favourite football players birthday 😳

The midwives and consultants who’d just basically managed to save mine and her lives just looked 😳

I mean I can laugh about it now but what a prize dick.

Mersey76 · 05/05/2024 10:50

I was stressed just reading your post so can’t imagine how awful you must have felt. My H disappeared out of the room after we were told I needed an emergency cesarean. Paediatrician told the theatre staff that when he came back he wasn’t to be allowed in. Midwife asked me if he always behaved the way he did that night. It became obvious he couldn’t deal with certain kinds of stress or be a support in anyway. It didn’t get much better as time went on. I was poleaxed by his attitude as he was the one who really wanted children - so he said.
Was bloody ‘Janet’ there when you got home?
what a thoughtless shitty pair!

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Moonflower12 · 05/05/2024 13:03

I was 21. Heavily in labour and it was snowing heavily.
My husband dropped me at the door of the maternity unit, and went off to park the car.
He didn't come back. In fact he'd gone home and drank a bottle of Benilyn 'to help him sleep as he was so stressed he couldn't cope!'

DD was born at 6am. He'd been rung numerous times during the night. This was the early 90s so it was landlines. He didn't pick up.
He waltzed in at noon. He had things for me. As he dropped them off I realised they were all from other people such as his mum etc. He'd been there for breakfast as I wasn't there to make it!

We got divorced not long after.

useitorlose · 05/05/2024 13:18

DD1 was booked for home birth but rising blood pressure put a stop to that. I had midwife home visits between waters breaking at noon on the Saturday and around 10am Sunday. Then went into hospital about noon on Sunday. DH (now exDH, this was in 1997) had made it clear that he couldn't face being in the delivery room and I was OK with that. When DD was born, there were 9 people in the room as it happened and his absence was barely noticed. She was born at 9.20pm, by which time my home visit midwives had come back on for their second night shift of my extended labour! She was delivered by forceps, I had a torn cervix and lost a significant amount of blood, and needed a transfusion of I think two or more units. He was off having a curry and came back to find out we were both alive, fortunately, but I was in a bad way.

JanefromLondon1 · 05/05/2024 13:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

BloodyAdultDC · 05/05/2024 13:46

My exh went AWOL several times during my labour in 2006. I was wheeled to theatre for instrumental attempt before C-section and he was nowhere to be found. Delivered by forceps, he turned up as I was in some sort of recovery room before going to the ward. First person he rang was 'colleague' from work. He was 'working' all hours for months beforehand and afterwards. Guess where this is heading...?

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 05/05/2024 13:56

I asked Dh to do a trial run to the hospital and he laughed at me, you think i don't know where it is? I said I meant suss out parking for maternity ward, consider which way is faster during rush hour etc. I pointed out that I might be shouting at him and it might be too stressful to think straight, but apparently I was insulting his intelligence.

While in the agonies of labour he went into autopilot and drove to his office 🙄. We ended up in a city centre 3am at Christmas on a one way system and drunk people kept trying to flag us down and jump in. We eventually got onto the right route but he said 'I think I know a shortcut' through a housing estate which turned out was being resurfaced so we went bumping through uneven road surfaces. It's been over a decade and I still think of it every time he does something stupid, ergo I think about it very regularly.

Movinghouseatlast · 05/05/2024 13:59

Bloody hell, that is just awful. Was Janet there when you got home? Did he ever realise how awful he had been?

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