To separate my kid at schools , i don't know what's best

[Beavers9]

My daughter starts secondary next year September 25 and she really likes the idea of going to an all girls grammer school. My whole family have said that would be amazing if she got in so she is going to do her 11+ and of course we won't stop her from trying her best.

My worry I've got and I suppose it's selfish in a way is that my son who is a adorable little boy, he has ADHD + potential autism and is very delayed in his development is 2 school years behind her obviously wouldn't be following her to the same school and that worrys me .

She looks out for him so much now he doesn't have many friends and she's often seen with him "a bit too much at times"
And it's probably half the issues we have as she does mother him .

So if we spilt them up in a way she can't keep an eye out and he can't go to her for help advice or anything when he gets to secondary school something I think he will struggle with a lot. There is pros and cons although deep down it probably would do them the world of good

I'm looking for some one to give me some honest views have you been in this situation ?

I'd definitely choose the right school for each child and not factor the other in as they have such different needs. Let your daughter choose her own path.

Perfectly possible that, if you picked her school even partly on the basis on his needs you'd get two years down the line and realise a different school is actually best for him - two years is a long time.

As for the logistics of getting two to different schools, it sounds as if your son will be the one who needs a bit more help with that and your DD will be able to be more independent. Generally for secondary the expectation is that children are getting there and back on their own. Probably seems a way off that as she's yr 5 still but they change so much between now and the end of y6.

In terms of logistics, Dd gets herself to and from school and has done since she was year 6. She has a key so she can let herself in if we're out.

They will have 2 years apart anyway. She will inevitably have to make compromises in life for her brother e.g. let's not go on a day out there, he will be overwhelmed, let DS choose so he is happy. Don't compromise her schooling for her brother. Let her give it her best shot and hopefully she gets a place and thrives.

I can relate to this as I have a younger brother with ASD and went to a grammar school myself. It was pretty common to have siblings in a different school as not everyone passed the entry test. And I was getting myself into school independently from the start of year 7 which I thought was standard by that age? Actually my DB did go to the same school as me and I did try to keep an eye out for him but it was tricky in a big school plus actually he needed specialist intervention. He had a tough time at school and would have been better off in a school that catered better to his needs but this was the 90s and we didn’t know DB was autistic. It can be tough having a sibling with SEN especially as a an older sister feeling like you should look after them. I think it would be best for both DC to find schools that meet their different needs.

You have to let your daughter go to the right school for her. Your son is going to have two years in Primary without her anyway so he will have to cope without her. I don't understand your point about having children at two different schools? Unless you have twins there are always going to be years with one child at primary and one secondary so having 2 at different secondaries is no different. I am getting the feeling you want a reason not to allow your daughter the opportunity to do what is best for her. She is not your sons Nanny. You have to help your son develop coping skills and not put that burden on your daughter.

They won't be together much anyway if they did go to the same school. Breaks often split children by year and some schools have two lunch breaks.

My old school actually had two kitchens and two dining rooms.

He is going to have two years at primary without her, then if he went to the same school he would again have two years after she leaves (assuming she doesn't go to VI form at the school).

It might do him the world of good to not have her to rely on, you might find teachers and other pupils also step up instead of just getting his sister.