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‘Self soothing’

3 replies

Kaxford · 04/05/2024 22:05

Hi mums,
this is a bit of a long one, I’ll try to condense it as much as I can but I hope you’ll stick with me Because I’d love some advice!
so I have twin boys that are 13 months old. They’ve been terrible sleepers since they were around four months old and they started teething/hit a sleep regression. We had a desperate time of it around December/January where they would genuinely wake at least six times each. Things are better now, on a good night they’ll wake twice, maybe take a bottle and settle back down again but we end up with one of more of them in bed with us most nights. We still hold them to sleep at bedtime after their bedtime bottle and then lift them into the cot.
so my husband’s cousin is a wonderful woman who has been a huge help to us and is a good friend but she’s a bit older and all her children are grown. She tried to help me before saying they were old enough to put themselves down for a nap and I should let them cry it out, it was awful. I never did it again! Tonight she said to me that really the boys shouldn’t need a bedtime bottle now and they really shouldn’t have us holding them to sleep, she doesn’t push because she knows how I feel about it. Really though it stuck in my head, is she right? And if so how do I go about transitioning to putting them down without us holding them? I know they won’t need me to do it forever but just now if you put them down drowsey/awake they’ll jump straight up and mess and then cry. They are in the same room and until recently were in the same cot. I really don’t want to put them in separate rooms (which is something she’s also said on a number of occasions) has anyone any advice they can offer me?

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 04/05/2024 22:19

How dare she give you such advice! It is YOUR decision how you raise your babies. She sounds like she has far too much to say and I am shocked she persuaded you to let your babies cry it out. (Blaming her, not you.) There's nothing wrong with them having a bedtime bottle for comfort, they are still so so young. The majority of babies need comforting to go to sleep at that age. Also 'self soothing' basically just means they accept no one is going to soothe them. It's bullshit if you think about it. Even adults don't self soothe most of the time, we seek human comfort where we can.

It sounds like this woman's 'advice' is chipping away at your confidence. You don't need her advice. Follow your instincts and do what YOU want to do for your babies. You are their advocate and it's not for her to be making these suggestions and trying to interfere with your choices. It's lovely that they share a cot.

BurbageBrook · 04/05/2024 22:21

Sorry, I mean share a room.

But yes my best advice is to own your choices, to realise that you're a gentler and more empathetic parent than your husband's cousin would like you to be. She can raise her kids how she likes (I think she sounds very old school and harsh though if she believes in CIO) but your babies are YOURS. You are the mum and you decide what's best for them.

Calling · 04/05/2024 22:28

I would definitely not separate them.

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