If none of your extended family called on your birthday

[ChocoChocoLatte]

Or messaged or sent a card.....

Why on earth do I allow myself to be hurt by this behaviour.

I've had a lovely day with DH & DC.

But having been diagnosed with a terminal illness, my birthday was tinged with a little trepidation (inwardly but justifiably by me) in case it's my last.

I know that sounds dull & sad but it's true. I presented a good show for the DC however.

Only last week they were all fawning over another cousins birthday on social media and I haven't heard a peep.

My parents are no longer alive but they had siblings who are all part of this large, 'close' unit they portray. Even my only sibling hasn't bothered to phone.

Not needing platitudes / answers / explanations etc.

Am just a little sad and would never let someone's special day go unmentioned.

Just wanted to write down somewhere that I am a little sad about it.

As you were.

💐

I’m sorry. People can be truly disappointing sometimes.

Don't let it ruin your day 😘 I'm not even speaking to most of my family anymore because they are so bloody toxic. It does feel a bit sad sometimes when you see other people having big family celebrations, but it's not worth the headspace. Focus on the people who are really important in your life. Your kids, husband and friends. Hope you have a lovely evening 🤗 x

I completely understand where you’re coming from OP. I have a wonderful DH and DC who always treat me on my birthday. I also have in laws who send cards and/or gifts which is really thoughtful. Not a single member of my own family however get in touch - both parents still alive and live across the flipping road so not even a case of out of sight, out of mind. I have 4 siblings too and not one of them remembers. My mum invariably remembers 8 days later when it’s my brother’s birthday and claims that she had a card for me but forgot on the day so she’ll save it for next year. It’s been the same story for several years in a row however so dear only knows how many cards she has stacked up by now. I have a niece whose birthday is 3 days before mine and everyone always remembers hers, and then my brother’s 8 days after mine, but somehow I am forgotten every single year.

I’m mid 40s now and I hate birthdays - I really struggle to enjoy them and even to appreciate the care shown by my DH & DC because I’m so acutely aware of how little thought my birth family give me. It’s shit and it hurts. I don’t know how to make it not.

birthdays are just not a big deal to some people. I might get a card from my mother, but no one else would mark it. And TBF my birthday is really more her achievement than mine!

I completely understand this. I haven’t had a birthday wish from my immediate family in years. I can’t even remember the last time anybody in my family wished me a happy birthday. I think it must’ve been when my grandmother was still alive because she never forgot …but neither one of my parents nor my brothers ever say a peep. Having said that I’m a bit old now and it doesn’t bother me that much. What does bother me Is that none of them wish my DD a happy birthday either. she actually has the same birthday as her cousin, my brother’s son, and yet no one in my family wishes her a happy birthday. Not her grandparents, not her uncles, not her aunts, not her cousins. On the other side, however, my DH’s family never ever forget her birthday. She gets cards and messages from them without fail. It’s humiliating and embarrassing and I just feel terrible for her. She doesn’t actually have any grandparents on his side. But her great aunts and uncles wish her a happy birthday and even her distant cousins. my family is disgusting.

@ABwithAnItch that's shit, we have a similar issue with the grandkids on SIL's side being favoured by the in-laws forever but we just ignore them now. Their loss.

I don’t really wish adults happy birthday, it’s weird to me, I celebrate DH’s but no one else’s over the age of 18ish

I have a mother, father and sister (as well as DH, and children) who would acknowledge my birthday. Nobody on my husband's side or cousins/aunts/uncles would even know when my birthday is. Less fuss than many, more than some I know. Depends on family dynamics I guess.

None of my family message me or my children on their birthday, we are use to it now.

I’m sorry @ChocoChocoLatte That’s hurtful. And I’m so sorry about your diagnosis.

Happy birthday 🎁🎉🍰 Lovely you spent it with your wonderful immediate family. Surrounded by true love x

I'm sorry to read this. I want to wish you a happy birthday and send you a big cyber hug. Xx

@MmMmMmMmMmMmMmM completely
different scenario. They're just after wishing another cousin every platitude all over FB last week.

I was t expecting special treatment or heralding trumpets, I have DH & the DC for that.

But not even a text / FB message etc?

My friends / colleagues have posted nice messages and I know they've all been online so it's hardly difficult or expensive or time consuming.

I wouldn't do it to them but then my mother always made sure every niece / nephew had something on their birthday and that's something I'm proud to do too. I no longer expect thank you cards / acknowledgement etc.

I just think it's just a nice thing to let someone you love know you care & remember them in their birthday.