Would mediation/family court help in this situation?

[TimWhoretons]

Ex dp is slowly reducing the amount of time he spends with the dc. It began as every other week, every 3 weeks, once a month, and now roughly once every 6 weeks. I have to chase him up to see his kids.

Although annoying, it never bothered me when it was once a month as the dc never commented on why they didn't see him. Now they are getting older (7 and 9) and the time span is increasing, they are starting to ask where their dad is and why he hasn't seen them. It's also beginning to take a toll on me as I worry if/when he will see them and every time I wonder if it will be the last time.

If I made an appointment at a mediation centre, would they set out a contact schedule and ask him to stick to it? If he still didn't show up, could I then refuse access and he would have to apply to court to see them? I feel so stuck regarding what to do for the best. He's obviously phasing himself out of their lives, so should I rip the plaster off and force it or just sit back and watch it play out?

what the heck? why do you want to force someone to spend time with your children?

His loss 🤷

don’t chase him up FGS

Is he paying child maintenance and increasing for his decrease in time with them… THAT is what you should focus on

You can't force him to have contact unfortunately. I would drop the rope. Let him do the chasing and if he does then get back in touch ensure to tell him what works for YOU. You shouldn't have to beg for scraps and he shouldn't be inconveniencing you.

Ensure that you inform CMS if he has shifted thresholds for contact meaning he needs to up contributions. That might put a fire up his arse!

Sadly a court can't order him to be a decent df... Lessen their expectations but don't stop contact and risk being The Bad Guy. Seeing their df for what he is can surely be better than day dreaming he is a good un from afar?

@Cerialkiller

You can't force him to have contact unfortunately

thank f@ck they can’t more like

I think you can gently be honest that you haven't heard from him, and just acknowledge that it's upsetting for them. It's really shitty of him, but all you can do is be the consistent one.

Not trying to force contact. Perhaps trying to force a regular schedule, or nothing at all? It's the uncertainty of it all that's killing me.

Take back the control op.

My ex did exactly that, and it destroyed the DC never knowing if Daddy was going to show up or not. We did mediate with a neutral party but zero improvement.

You should tell him when the kids are available. If he chooses not to see them then they won't be available until the next time you have said eg fortnightly.

He can take you to court for more access but he cannot be forced to see them more. All you can do is establish how much flexibility you are prepared to handle. In my experience don't be flexible at all.

My ex now sees the DC twice a year if they're lucky.

It’s sad. You could try mediation. It might help him refocus. Don’t stop contact yourself. But maybe ask him to stick to a monthly schedule. If he misses, then he waits until next month. Then your boundaries are clear, and at least the kids are only let down once a month because it also manages their expectations.