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Do your kids complain constantly without meaning to?

4 replies

whatsoccuringnow · 04/05/2024 12:45

My kids never seem happy with things. I'm a seperated parent and I don't have much money. I try my best but it's like nothing is good enough. We decided today we would use up left over Easter eggs and make rocky road. My son wanted to put honeycomb in it. I explained we didn't have any. He started to insist we drive to the shop to get some. I said I'd already picked the ingredients and spent the money so we would just use what we have. He became hung up on it so I just gave up and said I'm not making it as all you are doing is complaining and demanding. I know it wasn't the right reaction. I'm lying on my bed feeling upset. He is in the sitting room watching tv, doesn't understand what he did wrong.

He has adhd so does get focused on details and can't hear a reply. I'm trying. We have a family law court date coming up. His dad was abusive and controlling and when he won't take no for an answer I feel so triggered as it reminds me of him. But it's not my sons fault he's so lovely and he doesn't mean it but just everything he gets he can't stop himself complaining or starting to request the next thing. I'm exhausted and feel so guilty all the time.

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 04/05/2024 12:51

To be honest I don’t think YOU did anything wrong. You explained, he’d got fixated, the consequence was that you didn’t want to make the Rocky road anymore. Leave him for a bit, then see if he comes to you and asks to carry on as planned without badgering you to do it differently with an ingredient you don’t have.

It can be exhausting when children focus on what they don’t have rather than what they do. I wonder if he’d sit and make a list with you of the things he does have which make him happy?

whatsoccuringnow · 04/05/2024 15:43

Thanks for the reply. He came in and apologised though he did say he doesn't understand what he did wrong.

Reading back over it I feel I probably did do the right thing, just I was a bit too emotive telling him he'd hurt my feelings, nothing I do is good enough etc.

We sorted it and made the rocky road. He's now watching star wars. I am so hard on us both sometimes. No one is perfect I guess.

OP posts:
MotherofChaosandDestruction · 04/05/2024 16:02

ALLLLL THE TIME!! I also am a single mum and probably have indulged them too much but everything is moaning and complaining and nothing is ever good enough. I didn't ever really want to say, 'it's hard when you're on your own doing everything' as it's not on them and I'm an adult but I have started to say things to them now as I can't always afford everything, I have to work to pay for things etc. They are being a little better but still annoying at times.

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SeaToSki · 04/05/2024 16:17

I used to tell mine ‘I dont speak whine’. And then just refuse to engage in a conversation or carry on with an activity until they started to speak in a respectful way. It took a few days but they did adjust and although they slid back into whine quite frequently, if I held to the not speaking whine they would snap out of it quicker the next time.

I also think you could sit down with ds and talk through what happened with him to try and help him see it from your point of view. Some kids just get empathy, and some have to be taught empathy. It sounds like ds wouldnt have learned it from watching his father, so you are probably going to have to teach it to him explicitly

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