How late would you let your 12 year old stay out?

[PeterJohnson]

DD had a party yesterday as their band conductor was leaving. It's a village/small town band so all ages. Parents were not invited. It started at 8pm and we said that she needed to be home at latest 10pm, and she should send me a message and I would come to meet her.

At 10:10 I walked down to get her as I hadn't heard anything. When I got there there were three kids her age and younger messing about on the roof of the porch. One had climbed out the first floor window and was standing on the sloping roof posing, one of the others taking photos. Seemingly no adult in sight, they were all in the function room on the next floor up.

She was most aggrieved she was the first to leave and there were younger kids allowed to stay later.

How late would you let your 12 year old stay out at something like this?

I would be considering if this activity is suitable going forward! I would take a very dim view on allowing activities where there is alcohol, no supervision and 9 year olds in the mix!!!!!!!!!

Doesn’t matter if some parents were there. Who was the official safeguarding lead who should have had accountability for the children attending at a club event. This was not a private family birthday bash. There is a massive difference which you’d know if you’d done any safeguarding concerning children and organised events in a club setting.

And no OP should not trust random adults on the piss.

This is a massive safeguarding fail.

It seems like it’s a cross over from a private adult party with an official band party with parents not in the band not allowed. This is concerning.

OP you need to ask questions such as

• who was the official safeguarding lead?
• did they stay sober to supervise the children in case of an accident?
• what DBS checks are in place to protect these kids?

This was not a family party. This was an official club event. Children under 18 should not have been mixing with adults drinking if their parents were not there.

Assuming I knew and trusted the band leader I think I'd have done pretty much what you did, OP. 10 feels about right.

It’s weird that parents weren’t invited to supervise their children.

I agree.

This is all just odd.

Yes I think in this situation I would have wanted to be there or at least known another adult I trust to look after the 12 year old was there. I wouldn’t have allowed one of mine to go unsupervised into what is essentially an adult party.

10pm feels right and fair.

I would love to know what time the other parents got there!

I can imagine the adults wished a pick up time for the kids was stated on the invitation, I bet they don’t that mistake again.

Same here, never had hard and fast rules.

From what the op says, it sounds as though there should have been more adult supervision at the party. However, most events won't be like that.

I'd not have let her go tbh. She's too young to be attending a massive piss up especially with the only adults present 3 sheets to the wind by 10pm.