Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I find my donor

6 replies

Randomname83738 · 03/05/2024 16:32

Hello! I am 32 and donor conceived (sperm donor). A lot of threads have popped up recently about donor conception which has got me thinking a bit (not normally something I think about much!!).

I grew up knowing I was donor conceived, it’s never been a secret. I’m happy with my conception history and am really close to my family; there has never been a hole or something missing, and to be honest, I knew that my donor was anonymous so it always felt like my donor conception was a part of my history, rather than my day to day adult life.

some of the threads have pipped a bit of curiosity I’ve never had before though, and I’m now not sure whether I should submit my DNA to ancestry dna to see if there are any matches. It’s a bit of a conundrum though… my thoughts are:

  • I am happy with my life as it is now, not knowing
  • what if I connect with someone and it is more emotionally burdensome than I think it will be, since right now it’s just an idle curiosity
  • what if I connect with someone and they’ve joined to form lasting connections and I disappoint them if I don’t
  • would it hurt my family (I don’t think it would as they’ve always been very open, but worth considering)
interested for any thoughts, especially from any fellow donor babies who might have been through similar (or haven’t!)
OP posts:
TeenDivided · 03/05/2024 16:37

When you were conceived the donors had anonymity.
I am not sure it is 'fair' to try to find them via an ancestry site where a relative of theirs may be unbeknownst to them.
Is there a register you could go on instead that would say you are open to being contacted?

(This is off the top of my head, and I am sure there are good arguments on the side of saying you have a right to know if you so wish.)

Original poster
Randomname83738 · 03/05/2024 16:38

TeenDivided · 03/05/2024 16:37

When you were conceived the donors had anonymity.
I am not sure it is 'fair' to try to find them via an ancestry site where a relative of theirs may be unbeknownst to them.
Is there a register you could go on instead that would say you are open to being contacted?

(This is off the top of my head, and I am sure there are good arguments on the side of saying you have a right to know if you so wish.)

Sorry I should have been clearer! I would only be doing it to find other users on that site who have voluntarily uploaded their dna (consenting to being found via that medium), so donor or donor siblings I guess. I wouldn’t be tracking anyone down, promise!! I’m not THAT curious.

OP posts:
Original poster
Randomname83738 · 03/05/2024 16:39

Just to add, donor siblings would be the most likely people I would find - my feelings are sort of the same in either case so I didn’t differentiate in my OP!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
hendoop · 03/05/2024 16:41

If you want to 100 % do it

Upinthenightagain · 03/05/2024 16:46

You’re happy as you are. That’s fantastic. I don’t think anything will be taken away from that by seeking out matches. You’ll either enrich your life by adding more people to it to whatever extent feels right or you won’t and you’ll go on much the same as before. I don’t think you need to worry about disappointing people.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page