Advise you'd like to have had when your children were no longer babies/toddlers

[Eeepsh]

I've read a lot of, very useful, threads with advice about the baby/ toddler years but not many (if any) for when they are older.

I'll start.... if there is any chance your child(ren) are likely to go to university, start saving as soon as possible and watch Martin lewis's videos about student loans and fees. So, so many people don't seem to realise that the loans no where near cover how much your DC will need to live on and parents are expected to make up the difference. Yes, more DC are expected to get a job, but it's still not likely to make up the shortfall.

The phrase 'it's just a phase, it will pass' gets you through almost all situations.

Pick ur battles. Someone told me that once and it actually changed everything.

This is great thank you! I am already putting monthly savings into an isa for my baby

• start saving a rainy day fund incase you need to self fund private SALT/occupational therapy/ educational psychologist/ therapy aids / nappies for home. Disability wasn't on my radar for my child's childhood the NHS is woefully lacking in parts.

*stick 'em outside or stick 'em in water still works for my oldest! We go once in a while for a hike (much complaining prior!) But the car journey or just walk helps clear the air and they can open up, chat/ left of something on their chest. Running a bath, bath bombs and a tray of treats after a long hard week at school brings out an occasional smile!

@Eeepsh get all your relationship advice in between the ages of 9-12 when they are most likely to take it on board. I drip-fed my boys advice on how to choose a future girlfriend/partner, and now that they're 17 and 19 I see them following my advice without remembering where it came from. Things like, choose someone who:

• can be a good friend;
• has a similar educational background;
• has a wise attitude to money;
• has some genetic traits you aspire to, e.g. sporty or musical, so that your children might inherit them;
• from a stable home life, so they know what a good relationship looks like.

etc.

If I said these things to my sons now they'd roll their eyes at me, but when they were 9 - 12 they lapped it up, and it sticks.

@didask thats so interesting thank you! I plan on having frank sex and relationships talk at similar ages so my girls know all the facts before they need them and they’re too embarrassed for me to speak to them about it.

Yes, I did this at a younger age - maybe about 5-8. There are lots of good books. I remember one called "Where Willie Went" that was a fun intro for younger children. 🙂

Help them learn that emotions come and go like the weather. They can't overwhelm us like the weather can't overwhelm the sky, and no matter how intense they always change.

There's nothing too big too bad or too shameful that you can't tell your mum or dad. A problem shared is always a problem halved - no matter what.

Wow. I actually disagree with this post a lot sadly.

Wise attitude to money and a good friend are of course very important.

The others...!! DH and I do have a similar educational background but for example my DPs do not at all. DH also didn't come from a 'stable home life' sadly but is an excellent husband and father. As for 'genetic traits you aspire to'...! Skills in sport or music, like anything else in life, depend on someone having had opportunities to pursue and practice them, not genes.

Very sad and snobby 'list'.

Put money aside, university, tutor, school trips in secondary school, private health/SEN assessments. If your child is at nursery/childminder until school, put aside what you don't pay anymore when you only need wraparound care.

Teach them independence, you can't go from bringing them everywhere until Y6 and then expect them to be on their own in Y7.

Treat them as people with their own views and respect them. You can't treat them like toddlers forever.

Teenager need parents more for emotional support while in primary school they need you for practical reasons.