Calm responses for heated conversations

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

I need to make a difficult phone call at work. I was hoping to have the conversation face to face but for various reasons that’s not going to be possible.

i can invisage it getting quite heated, the person is known for taking things the wrong way to make themselves out to be hard done by.

i want to have a crib sheet of innocuous phrases that I can use to try to calmly slow things down

i was thinking of things like:
I’m sorry that you feel that way, can I explain from our perspective?
it’s very easy to misinterpret messages
I am understanding you correctly, you think / feel that xyz….?

I’m not very experienced in having this type of conversation. Does anyone have any phrases that they’ve found helpful in similar situations?

I think the technique of reflecting back what they have said is a good one. It affirms that you have been listening, seeks to be sure you've got it right and gives you a bit of time! I would also suggest that you do not jump in with your responses but count to 3 or whatever before you reply - too long seems rude, but a bit of time to give your brain time to communicate with your tongue is good. It is also fine to say "I think I need a moment to think about that." It will only get truly heated if you are adding fuel to the flames with your reactions - taking a moment reduces that risk.

You also need to let them talk - they will only listen to you if they can see you have listened to them. This too can be explicit: "I have listened carefully to what you have said and would like to make a few suggestions ......"

Thank you, they’re all very useful
ideas that hopefully I can use to make it go as smoothly as possible.

I like:

”So the things I think we are agreeing on are xyz…”

Also possibly “I hear what you’re saying- given that we can’t do xyz, what else might we be able to do that would address some of your concerns do you think?”

They’re good ones too - if we can actually agree on anything 😬