Overthinking and anxiety is ruining me.

[Littletinytarzanswingingfromanosehair]

I overthink and worry about everything.
Once I've worried about something, I move on to the next and it's consuming me.

From overthinking about a work email to my partner suddenly deciding to leave.

It's like paranoia too has got me so bad I can't be on Facebook because its like shamebook all the local gossip groups etc.

If I see a police car or ambulance going in the direction of where a family member lives I worry it's them!

It's utterly horrendous and I just can't cope.

I've tried the GP and they offer therapy, tried medication etc but it's hardly worked

Honestly, if I could go and live on a secluded island I would.

Please tell me I'm not alone?

You are not alone.

About 8 months ago I started having crippling anxiety. So bad that I was convinced that I would die from the stress. All the constant cortisol and adrenaline in my system was scary.

I was worried about things that needed worrying about, kids, family, health. But it became all encompassing and I was frozen with fear. I wasn’t sleeping, I was having panic attacks, I was on high alert all of the time. It was a viscous circle.

Counselling was useless.

The only way I can deal with it is natural sleeping tablets (valerian) and trying to convince myself to stop giving a shit. DH is convinced that the only way to get through it is to stop caring. He keeps giving me pep talks to stop caring and focus just on me.

My life is difficult enough without my bastard brain conspiring against me.

I am so glad that I didn’t resort to drink or drugs to get me through, but it was so raw and awful at the time.

I've always been a drinker, recently cut down a lot and I totally agree with this. I used to think I was drinking to deal with anxiety but it defo makes it worse!

What have you tried so far?

I'm on sertraline. Ive tried dismissing the thought. I've tried focusing totally on my child who is on holiday with me. But every so often the meeting comes back into my mind and I almost want to go back in time and do it over again. I feel like it was a shock to me, and I didn't respond in an assertive way. I feel misunderstood. Which makes me feel even worse.

Stick a film on, put some dance music on and dance round the living room.
Sit with a cup of tea and listen to the birds.
Play sport, gym, you won't have to worry as you'll be busy thinking what your doing.
Stress and worry can lead to illness it is linked.
So think do I want to make myself really unwell.
Just stop there is no point to it.
Live life try and get some enjoyment out of each day, nobody knows what's round the corner.

If anything bad happens you will cope.

You have zero understanding of even moderate anxiety, let alone severe.

I have been hospitalised with anxiety alone - no other diagnosis. I could no more have danced around the room or done some sport than fly to the moon. I sat uncontrollably shaking and shredding tissues. I did not "cope".

Take your ignorance away from people who are genuinely in pain and suffering.

Oh, OP, you are so not alone, love. There are more of us than you would imagine, it's just we all hide it very well. Everyone in my close circle would say I am the most together person they know (ha!) but they have no clue. I only ever let my guard done with my partner.

In fact, I just had a good old cry to my lovely partner about it about half an hour ago. I have a health worry and i'm spiralling into a really negative headspace (as always!). My exact words were "my thoughts and anxieties are consuming me and I wish I could crawl out of my own skin for a little break."

I do the siren thing, too. There's time's i've actually turned back and gone home, just in case. If I text my OH and they don't respond, I convince myself they're somehow dead. Even if they're up in the office in the same house! I don't like going on holiday as I catastrophise about everything. I've always left the iron on (I haven't). I have camera's all over the house and smoke alarms that send alerts to my phone if they go off, and I still can't settle if i'm not home, in case something happens to the cats. I could go on and on, but you get it. It's a bloody awful way to live. Panic and anxiety is no joke.

I don't think I can offer any sage advice. I'm not medicated, either. I hate the idea of the side effects. I am pretty sure my anxiety stems from me having a hormonal disorder (PCOS). There's times in my cycle where I handle things like a boss....then other weeks i'm a complete mess of a human. Maybe menopause will sort me out...or make me worse! God forbid. lol

Massive unmumsnetty hugs, OP.

If anything bad happens it will be awful. In reality, I know people have a negative opinion of me which I'm trying to change. But anxiety is making it so much worse to try and rationalise that my being is not made of other people's opinion of me. But it is.

I'm so sorry you were hospitalised with your anxiety, Liliee. But you're right. There's mild anxiety and then there's the all-consuming panic, where you are constantly in fight or flight mode, your body on high alert ....then the crash that follows.

Yes, there's times I can ward off an episode by sticking a sitcom on Netflix. But when i'm in a panic, there's nothing that will help. I pace the floor, shake, cry...I was so bad a few weeks ago, my partner had to hold me tightly in bed as I was almost convulsing. I could not stop my entire body shaking, no matter where I directed my thoughts. Honestly, if it wasn't for my OH, I think i'd get close to a breakdown sometimes.

Thank you, @PatsyStonesBeehive, that's kind of you. I'm sorry you're had it to such extremes too. 💜

@sunlovingcriminal gosh, you could be writing my life! I'm not senior management level yet but my work anxiety gets insane... how do you keep it in at work?

@PatsyStonesBeehive it's just horrendous isn't it.

My latest panic attack today was brought on by a discussion I had with a lovely neighbour about an aggressive neighbour (who I am so fearful of thanks to PTSD from previous DV relationship) we share a mutual dislike and when I got home I spiralled into thinking I said too much to that lovely neighbour, they are now going to say something to nasty neighbour and he will come and attack me. Shaking, couldn't breathe, all scenarios in my head etc.

I literally constantly have friends on TV as back or a sitcom as so much music triggers bad memories.

Cooked dinner tonight, couldn't eat. Couldn't face going to the gym. Even walking my dog makes me anxious but I battle through that as he needs and relies on me.