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Dealing with in-laws?

4 replies

Alittledreamcake · 02/05/2024 17:53

My in-laws aren't bad people albeit a bit infuriating. I just have such a hard time coping with them for really petty reasons.

They kindly have my 3 y/o DS one day a week and as my work is on their way home, they also take me there and back on this day. I always thank them but they seem to use this as a bit of a stick to beat me with, like as well as thanking them i should be more grateful...

Just taking today as example, they come in, revel in the misery of others, telling me all about their friends being ill or some gossip about them (I've never met these people). They then talk about what an exhausting week they've had to both me and DS and how they wish they could go back to bed. As always they give him a huge plate of fish and chips for dinner every week and if I say its fine for him to have a sandwich, they will not have it. When they come and collect me from work to take me and DS home today, they've bought DS a couple of broken toys from the charity shop today (one of which is a massive dirty stuffed tiger) and say 'well he wanted it and it was only 50p'. Of course that's coming back with us to our small house. In the car they are just passing on judgements about everyone they see 'ohhh look at her, she's massive', 'theres always a new polish shop down here now'. Before they left, they told me they weren't able to have DS next week. I said that was ok and I'm sure I can sort something. MIL then shouted 'well we did tell you!' (they didn't).

Any tips for taking things a bit less seriously? I find it all such a drain.

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 13/09/2024 11:12

When they say rude remarks about strangers, just say 'wow, charming' and if they say something about Polish shops, just say, 'yeah it's great. I love my local one, have you tried the xyz product they do there?' if they gossip about their pals, just say 'well, seeing as I've never met them...'
They're just small minded snobs..but they like treating your kid which comes from a nice place.

Flopsythebunny · 13/09/2024 11:16

Alittledreamcake · 02/05/2024 17:53

My in-laws aren't bad people albeit a bit infuriating. I just have such a hard time coping with them for really petty reasons.

They kindly have my 3 y/o DS one day a week and as my work is on their way home, they also take me there and back on this day. I always thank them but they seem to use this as a bit of a stick to beat me with, like as well as thanking them i should be more grateful...

Just taking today as example, they come in, revel in the misery of others, telling me all about their friends being ill or some gossip about them (I've never met these people). They then talk about what an exhausting week they've had to both me and DS and how they wish they could go back to bed. As always they give him a huge plate of fish and chips for dinner every week and if I say its fine for him to have a sandwich, they will not have it. When they come and collect me from work to take me and DS home today, they've bought DS a couple of broken toys from the charity shop today (one of which is a massive dirty stuffed tiger) and say 'well he wanted it and it was only 50p'. Of course that's coming back with us to our small house. In the car they are just passing on judgements about everyone they see 'ohhh look at her, she's massive', 'theres always a new polish shop down here now'. Before they left, they told me they weren't able to have DS next week. I said that was ok and I'm sure I can sort something. MIL then shouted 'well we did tell you!' (they didn't).

Any tips for taking things a bit less seriously? I find it all such a drain.

If you don't like it, pay for childcare on that day.
They just soundlike normal people and you sound like someone looking for something to complain about.
I bet that you wouldn't even notice these things if it were your parents

comedycentral · 13/09/2024 11:17

Oh dear, it does sound like you are in a bit of a bind with them. I'm not sure you can change them, all you can do is ignore. If other childcare is an option then it might be worth considering that. As for the charity shop stuff, your little one will forget after a few days - re-donate or bin if they are broken. Don't get wound up about the fish and chips, it's one meal.

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Alittledreamcake · 13/09/2024 14:32

They absolutely insist on having him! I have my parents who are separated as two other options so that's not the trouble really. I'm absolutely amazed to hear you think that they're just normal. You'd think they were in their 80s the way they speak but they're only late 50s/early 60s. MIL works 9 hours a week and loves to tell me how tired she is. It just feels a bit tone deaf when I balance working FT with DS.

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