So refusing to shave your poubic area is 'coercing your partner.' So says Pamela in the Guardian

[TATFT]

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Oopsy https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/apr/30/my-partner-hates-my-pubic-hair-but-i-refuse-to-shave-what-now

She's saying that the woman shouldn't be asking her partner for oral sex rather than that she should shave her pubic hair.

Oh fgs, is that your take on the article? He doesn’t like going down on her, he has every right to not want to. She cries. They keep trying, even though he doesn’t like it. Do a role reversal and figure it out.
It is coercion if he doesn’t want to do something and she cries or even unintentionally manipulates
him emotionally into doing something sexual that he doesn’t want to do.
Fortunately it sounds as if they have a decent relationship, she is gathering advice on how to deal with it, and they will hopefully come to some kind of positive conclusion.

Well she's got a point tbf in that it's not on to keep asking a partner to do something they don't want to do.

But I couldn't be with a man who's such a wet paper towel over pubes anyway sooo......

It's in the Grauniad?

Oh well, I think we can all safely ignore it then.

That’s not what she’s saying at all.

Yeah, I skim read and initially thought the same as you, but read it again and she’s saying that it’s not ok to keep asking him to go down on her if he doesn’t like it. Not that she should shave.

@Mishmaj I think Pamela conflates the two issues, since its the shaving that the woman is adamant about, not the sex. She says she suggests they persevere with the sex, but given she seems otherwise sensitive to his issue I cant see much that is coercive here.

She's saying that she shouldn't be trying to convince him to go down on her, not that she should shave her pubes off.

Asking him to persevere with something sexual he doesn't like is coercive.

If she’s repeatedly asking him to take part in a sexual activity that she knows he dislikes and doesn’t want to do, and not accepting no for an answer, then that is coercion.

What bothered me about the response was that it only focused on that part of the problem - there was no statement of 'of course you shouldn't have to shave if you don't want to - though that does mean he won't perform oral because he doesn't like it and it's ok that you both have red lines, neither of you should do something you aren't comfortable with'. Instead, the response felt quite hectoring in tone with zero acknowledgement of the shaving issue at all. Of course the guy shouldn't be coerced into oral and the asker shouldn't be coerced into shaving. I was disappointed the latter part wasn't addressed as well.

Agree, neither should do anything they don’t want to do. However she acknowledges that he is respecting her boundaries around shaving and isn’t asking her to do so, but she isn’t respecting his boundaries around oral sex (continues to ask him for it).

It’s not the shaving, it’s the oral sex (he doesn’t like it, says it’s bitter, doesn’t like the hair) but she is forcing him to do it. To the point where he gets anxious and stressed. I would also be anxious and stressed if a partner kept making me give them head despite me saying no and not liking it, pubes or no pubes. They are both fair for having their own preferences but she is forcing him to change his without changing hers. I feel sorry for him, there are words for people who force others into sex they don’t want to have

Asking someone to do something sexual they don't want to do is wrong, regardless of who is asking, be they female, male, and whatever kind of relationship they are in.

I agree with this. The letter writer is obviously not wrong to refuse to shave (for any reason) but the partner is equally entitled to not want to go down on her (for any reason). It's just a basic compatibility issue.

i think you've mis-read. pamela is saying the letter writer shouldn't be making her partner do something sexually they don't want to. Which is just as much a right as not shaving.

Wrong.

I have suggested that we just keep trying but when we do he gets anxious, tense and stressed and eventually gives up.

Flip the sexes. 'I don't like giving head, but my partner says we should 'just keep trying'. I get upset and anxious and hate doing it, but all he says is 'just keep trying'. Now do you see the coercion?

This lady is lucky he stays with her. Bitter tasting hairy cooch, how does he put up with her ? It’s her attitude that’s God awful too! I bet if his penis tasted bad shed complain
she sounds like a Easy thing anyway . No class , going on about “ all those men prior”
I het he only with her for one thing and will find better soon