Has anyone learnt not to be bothered by neighbour's loud noise (thumping music)?

[FedUpAndTiredToday]

I have the perfect house for me in the perfect place, but the neighbours are becoming a nightmare. I now have all my windows shut when I want fresh air and I just feel so depressed. As soon as the thumping starts my chest tightens and I want to cry. I’ve discussed moving but the house and area is everything we’ve ever wanted and dh says that if we move, then there’s no guarantee that we won’t get noisy neighbours again.

If you're not planning on moving, report to the council. Take some power back. We had to report two different neighbours over the years for different things, it worked each time. We couldn't afford to move, so we knew we had to do something. Don't let them ruin your life.

To be honest it seems like you're too passive, l would piss them off in some way or other, you say you don't want to create shit for your neighbours but they are pissing them off too. Make life difficult for them in some way park in front of them ?? You're too much of a pushover and they know it so they carry on doing what they want , you have to confront them or make life difficult or move

I'd move. I've lived in these situations but it's always been in rentals, so temporary. Dealt with it by going out. "Home" in that situation means somewhere to store possessions, get clean, eat and hopefully to sleep at some point too. But "life" is lived elsewhere, outside the property. I found it's the only way to not get stress-related illnesses. If you exit the home at the first signs of it starting you can head off the stress response before it really starts.

Learn some relaxation techniques to use after you've exited. Get yourself set up for travel, whether that's a driving license and a car or a weekly travel pass for local busses or trains etc. Comfy shoes, waterproof coat and an umbrella in case you're walking. Get a good data package on your phone and keep a power bank charged up and in your handbag. Keep everything that you might need with you when out near the door or in your handbag, ready to grab and go.

Don't do complicated things at home, including long baths and proper home cooked meals, unless you can do these at times you know they won't start up their noise. Be prepared to stop what you're doing at a moment's notice and leave. Try to work out the neighbours likely habits/routines so you can time it to return after the noise stops. Find out all the free and cheap places to go in your area including ones with toilets and just go somewhere more peaceful.

I wouldn't be prepared to live this way if I owned the property though. I'd sell up because it's not a perfect property if living there is destroying your sanity and it's unable to provide a safe space which you can make your own and be confident you can relax in. That's the whole point of homeownership.

I don't think there is a way to manage it and I tried to. I just wanted to live alongside decent people. I've mentioned my experiences before and my ex neighbors broke my health. I lost thousands selling and it took me years to recover. Even now the sound of brief loud music sets my nerves off.

I had two sets of truly awful neighbors during the pandemic. One side would scream from about 3am until 11am twice a week. The other side played really loud music from 2pm until midnight every night. Neither side worked. I was working through the pandemic at home and survived on little sleep. Nothing I did worked. Our council is useless and the screamer refused to listen to the police. I cried so much during that time.

I had brief respites away from home but I still had to go back to it. No one understood the toll it took.

Eventually I just lost it with both sides and both thought I was unreasonable! Both hated others noise like mowing the grass. Whilst the screamer was horrible she didn't target her behaviour towards me, she just thought she could do as she liked. The other side got off on it.

I moved into a rented apartment and even though I was surrounded by lots more people it was quieter.

I've since moved again and I'm back to bliss. I'm detached and my neighbors are so quiet. But of course they get on with their daily lives as do I. My old neighbors knew they were noisy but didn't care.

It's good that other neighbors feel the same so you could band together. However in my experience no one wants to.

I'd move if I were you before your health suffers.

It's unreasonable to have to adjust your life to fit in with them although I did try to do this as a coping mechanism.

But in the end I collapsed. Oddly enough both sides are trying to move now! Not when prices were nice and high but now! It did make me laugh ...

There’s a common misconception that people can make whatever noise they want as long as it’s outside the hours of 11pm to 7am. Any persistent noise if loud enough to bother others and that happens for longer than 30 minutes a day at least 5 days a week is considered nuisance noise and something can be done.

I’m in a similar situation with a new, very noisy neighbour who likes to blare a particularly obnoxious and bass-ridden radio channel whenever the fuck she feels like it, oblivious - otherwise known as just doesn’t care - to the effect on her surrounding neighbours. Yes, I’ve tried talking to her but she just turned the fucker up. Selfish, entitled people are everywhere.

Oohh do I get this post! I've had this on going for over 1 year now. I have tried everything I could think, being kind, assertive, didn't work. Like yourself my DH used to have more luck but not anymore.

It's truly truly awful. I have been in tears, the chest tightness, I get it. I have just been speaking to the housing association who are going to serve her with a stage 1 warning, and the council installed a noise machine, where they caught her, and served her with a notice, next step would be a 2 stage warning and then court. I don't care how it makes me look, or what she says, I'm fully well intending to go through with this! As history shows me, she is not willing to change. No matter what I do, but I know I have tried everything, I have been reasonable, more than reasonable. If she continues and they have to seize her equipment, he housing team will go for repossession of her property.

Both me and partner love our house, it's in the perfect area, and don't want to move, don't see why anyone should have the power to drive me out of my house.

The common misconceptions, about the times are so wrong, many councils work to the rules that if it effect your daily living and causes you a nuisance, no matter what time of day, it's a noise nuisance. ( Take a look online) I've even made noise recordings on my phone just to prove to myself it's not all in my head and I have a point, no matter what she thinks.

I find the lack of support is tough, very tough. Even worse as the neighbour in question has friends who support her, fully, who live on the same street!

I'm sorry we've all experienced this. It's so hard being reasonable with unreasonable people.

When I flipped at the 2pm until midnight side after they had started up at 11am, the bloke yelled at me that I was rude! Rude for telling him to turn his music down after months of these hours. They knew what they were doing they just didn't like me telling them. I laughed when their other neighbors had a party, they would have been fuming.

With the screamer there was no telling her. She would agree to be reasonable and it would start again.

If you can get a resolution stick to your guns. If you can't and if you can do move.

In all my years of living in various cities including houses subdivided into apartments I had never experienced anything like it. It's not normal and most people are not like this.

Thank you for the replies it makes me feel less alone.

Have tried to speak to someone, but need to get in touch again on Monday.

I think it’s true that it’s the intrusion into my personal space 😢

It is intrusive and always remind yourself it ism it's one of the worst things to love next door to.

In all honesty, if life was so simple we would just up and leave. But it ain't and without this issue some of us like where we live.

I have even got advice of legal aid from home insurance who were helpful too. I think it's worth a shot of the house is owned privately. As my neighbour is HA that gives me some back up.

Did she literally just stand and scream at the top of her lungs by herself? Do you have any idea why she did this?

I hate being like this but they sound selfish .
You have your answer , you play your loudest type of music they'd hate when their kids are in bed and can't sleep .
Dealing with cranky children may bring them to their senses .

If you complain formally you have to declare it when moving which could put buyers off .

Fight fire with fire

@IwishIdidntlikesugar - she would scream with whatever man or men and occasionally a woman she was with at the time because she was on drugs. She wasn't mentally unwell and she had been doing this for years. On and on for hours over nothing.

She hated being woken up in the morning but she thought it was ok to wake me at 3am repeatedly.

No. We had awful neighbours who played their music so so loud. All day, everyday. To the extent that during Covid I could hear their music and so could people on teams calls with me at the furtherest point away from them in my house. We never sat in the garden to eat or play with our children because we couldn’t have a conversation or relax.

We sold and our neighbours are now cows and open fields. People say it must not be nice being isolated but the alternative was far worse. The compromise is we are relatively close to the motorway but it’s still a better noise and we can’t hear it through the double glazing. Can still enjoy the garden in peace.

I've had awful neighbours and it's wrecked my mental health so I just wanted to come on and say I know exactly how you are feeling.
It's left me with anxiety funnily enough I've posted about this today.
I really hate selfish people like this, no care how they impact others and there isn't a strong enough law in place
Noone should have to move. I did and to a detached and you still can get noisy people who take the piss.

I was thinking maybe we should go rural so I guess they are everywhere.

The only problem with reporting is that it's then logged if you want to move so be careful.

Looks like we have something in common just wanted to say I know exactly what you went through it's awful and you feel so trapped. I'm still getting anxiety now I'm on tablets for it. It's changed me completely just like you I'm now in a detached, had to move from hometown to afford it but it's the yappy dogs outside that drive me mad but I know I'm better off where I am so that's something.

For me it was fires. It's his mother's 1 bed flat. And he'd come here with 4 or 5 friends drink cans and burn wood. He had 8 in 12 days. I spoke to.him. he stopped. Then he started again. 2 times he was playing very loud music till 12am. The 2nd time i leant out the window with covid and said if you don't turn that down I'm going to come round and ram it up your arse. He apologised it went off. Didn't happen again. But it did happen till 1030 every Saturday. The anxiety was real. Fires in summer. In bloody winter even when I couldnt open a window. My house was stinking. I went round. Said you might want a house that smells like a tramps. I do not. 8 and 12 days was the final straw. Reported In September. Been no more. Not one. No music either. I'm 51 and I'm not pissing about any more. He doesnt get to decide when i go to bed or have to wear earplugs or leave the tv on. Report them asap

@Steakandwine - I'm sorry you are on medication. I know it's very difficult to get over and I still have the odd anxious moment.

I wish both our ex neighbours nothing by ill.

Thank you and amen to that 🙌